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Stone, Storm and Self Pity (Gray)

Stonehenge stands in leaden glory
Mayan pyramids too
Sunlight, silver silhouettes
The venerable form of Machu Piccu

Or smaller personal monuments
Lined up in plotted rows
Sullen slabs to mark our rest
Dark beneath December snows

Clouds gather, darken skies
Thunder, lightning, pouring rain
Obscure vision just like smoke
Drapes the soul in mental pain

Cheerless is the winter light
What little light there is
Lonely is the daily fight
For just a cup of happiness

Colorless existence grows
Hopeless outlook stifles
Tasteless life takes hold of you
Makes mountains out of trifles

As the hue approaches black
A study in charcoal
Reveals the quarried milestones
Calling us to every goal

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I love it! Only one line, I think deserves a little attention:

[Lined up in neat rows.] It is not enough to add a syllable to the meter, but
it should be added at the precise place to keep the flow.
I would add a syllable to [neat], making it neat[er] or neat[end].

Your title is great, and the logic holds fast throughout the entire piece to the end.
Nice job! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I like Geezers idea of (neatened) it feels unobtrusive. very nice tribute to (gray) as you gave it an anonymous character. my favorite lines are:

As the hue approaches black
A study in charcoal
Reveals the quarried milestones
Calling us to every goal

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

To Grey. I like Geezer's idea of neatened but other than that, another flawless write. Good job.

~RoseBlack~

I would love to see the mysterious Stonehenge one day. Reading your poem is the next best thing.

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