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STONE HEART

Submitted by Chiori on Sat, 2018-01-20 10:15

This heart that was once fresh and soft like the morning dew
When I cared, I wanted to care more
This heart that had been chewed and vomited severally,
This heart that had passed through the eye of the needle
When we thrust it to angels who abuse it,
It’s a simple phenomenon play or gets played.

I will build my heart like Kilimanjaro
Where no feelings are allowed to trespass
I will put my heart behind my back
I will dance to the rhythm of your deceit,
Knowing fully well it’s a dog eat dog world
play or get played, She laments.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Betrand Ndomenang

Sat, 2018-01-20 16:10

Betrand Ndomenang's picture

Many times we are broken and feel like giving up on Love.
But the truth is love will come when it wants to and you will no longer be the captain of the ship.

Chiori

Mon, 2018-01-22 02:11

Chiori's picture

you are right Ndomenang

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

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