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THE STATE OF THE NIGHT

Submitted by Jackweb on Mon, 2023-03-13 15:20

The silent night,
glows in darkness!
with a furious threat,
the crickets chirping
monotonously!

What a restive
moment;
treaded, and
triggered
by icy time?

Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

Tue, 2023-03-14 06:08

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
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This is really well done. There is a stark anxiety over the the whole composition. It evokes the fight or flight response. It makes me worried for your safety.

What restive
moments;
treaded, and
triggered
by icy time?

What a restive
moment;
treaded, and
triggered
by icy time?

The verb tense needs fixing and those are the two options. You’ll need to decide if they are moments (plural) or just one singular moment.

Man I hope you’re ok,
Tim

Jackweb

Tue, 2023-03-14 07:25

Jackweb's picture

Many thanks esteemed poet. Your critique helps a lot.

Truly, no one is ok here. The giant of Africa is a living hell.
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

author comment

Lavender

Tue, 2023-03-14 11:41

Lavender's picture
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Hello, Jackweb,
I agree with Tim. There is an oppressive anxiety throughout your poem. Your title affirms the feeling. Well written.
Take care,
L

Jackweb

Tue, 2023-03-14 12:29

Jackweb's picture

You have said it all. Thanks a lot for reading through.
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

author comment

Jackweb

Tue, 2023-03-14 22:23

Jackweb's picture

Always appreciàtive of your encouraging and brilliant comment, precious Friend.
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

author comment

Ruby Lord

Wed, 2023-04-12 07:02

Ruby Lord's picture

The poem speaks of anxious times using opposites, to create tension. Your poem was put together beautifully. :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

Jackweb

Wed, 2023-04-12 11:18

Jackweb's picture

so much for stopping by. I appreciate your comment.
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

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