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"STARLINGS"

I've seen the starlings roost in winter
in giant canes and bare oak trees
(any drab black bird was free to enter)
so many they looked like dark leaves
brought there by a stiff cold breeze.

Each bird cried out loudly as it could
in a raucous non-melodic voice
trying to be understood
but only adding to the noise
as if left with little choice.

O, they'd raised a mighty din
each all at once Would have its say
To each take turn was deemed a sin
from twilight until break of day
when, like smoke, they'd rise and fly away.

Other birds now roost beneath our dome
and like starlings they get little done.
They sit and make themselves at home.
Each thinks that he's some favorite son
but none will leave with the rising sun.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
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Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
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Comments

An apt title. efortless rhyme. good from beginning to end, Lines flowing well one to the next. good imagery (as usual) I liked these lines:

each all at once Would have its say
to each take turn was deemed a sin
from twilight until break of day
when they'd rise like smoke and fly away

always, Cat (& eddy)

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I just thought about how noisy and nearly useless both starlings and congress are and the rest just came out lol. Thanks for visiting..........stan

author comment

may be its not understood
only by me...

.....bird cried out loud as he could

loved

Thanks for coming by and commenting...........stan

author comment

double meanings! i love 'em. very nice poem.
always,
mag

I post such every so often. Glad you liked it.........stan

author comment

This line looks like it needs a little work:

but the won't leave with rising sun

The poem was great. I read through easily. You paint quite a compelling picture with your words. I didn't get any message from this piece. It didn't look like it was telling me anything. To be honest, I enjoyed it thoroughly, but I still find it hard to get something out of it.

I read through again, and it was the same. Very pleasant poem, great rhyme, and it reads well. Could you give us a little background on it, just to put it in context?

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

Doesn't matter how often I preview those darn typos still slip in. Supposed to read "but they won't leave with rising sun." The message is a simple comparison between a flock of noisy starlings and the U.S. congress. Both noisy and neither gets much done but at least the starlings leave with the rising sun lol. I reckon my meaning in this one must be too obscure..............stan

author comment

a well written poem, They all thought they were the big chesse in the end its like poeple who think by being louder then all they might be heard in the end it is all just noise.

i have a problem with two lines, first this one : "Each bird cried out loud as he could" so all the bird where males?
i think that maybe it should read "Each bird cried out loud as it could" leaving all birds to cry out.
second this line: "but the won't leave with rising sun" I just know you can finish a poem better than this. I think you got lazy at the end and did not feel it needed the impact. "CUT IT OUT AND FIX IT, I KNOW YOU CAN!" lol

Eddie
...

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

I guess to be politically correct I should say as loud as each gender not specified could lmao. I'll probably change to "it" as you're not 1st to mention it. As to last line, I fixed typo and hope the meaning is clearer now. Thanks for coming by with some ideas.........stan

author comment

Do you know Stan, that the Norwegians exclaim "Oh look a starling Spring is here!" to my utter astonishment, as they have long been pests at spreading their droppings over the platforms of railway stations in Britain. They have a way of making a heck of a noise, or a polyphloisboian and suddenly stop, to sleep. hey are the most wonderful imitators too aren't they! Hens and busses, horns and chattering people.

Great fun this poem. Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

There was a major starling roost across the street from my childhood home. Like politicians all they did was raise caine. But at least they left fertilizer behind lol...........stan

author comment

ROFL!!
What a comparison, I can't stop laughing. Call for help,
I'm the guy with the busted sides.
You're something else Stan.

Eddie
...

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Glad you caught the comparison, as to me being something else........other than what? lol. Thanks for the visit.................stan

author comment
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