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STAGES OF LOVE
Say, young girl laughing merrily
lilt in your voice and gleam in your eye
will you hold my hand and walk with me
as teen age years race swiftly by?
Tell me young lady sitting over there
who has become the true love of my life
I'm on my knee asking you to share
hoping you say that you'll be my wife
I can't believe lady what we have done
combined our love to make a new soul
matters not to me whether daughter or son
a happy addition to our family's roll
Well now mother of my children
we're alone again in our empty nest
we can relearn each other all over again
and make coming years our very best
Goodbye my love now it's time I go
I'm so sorry but it's come my time to leave
but my love will remain here even so
I'll await you here, no need to grieve
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Tue, 2012-09-25 18:05
Stan
A life's story and well presented, and do I detect a thought of where you may be after here lol..
Loved it, Take care, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
scribbler
Tue, 2012-09-25 21:46
Hi Ian
Thank you and I appreciate the visit.....................stan
author commentRula
Wed, 2012-09-26 00:51
I can see Suzan smiling
but not as she reads the last stanza.
One of your tender affectionate writes, yet I won't spoil it with your leave and the partner's grief..My suggestion is something more uplifting like giving more focus on how you could provide life with your offspring even if you leave , but it is then how life goes and it is all up to you, isn't it?
much enjoyed.
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scribbler
Wed, 2012-09-26 07:35
hello Rula
I was hoping the last stanza showed a love continuing even after death, although with a short pause as one awaits the other catching up............I might need to refine that last stanza a bit to lend better clarity. As always, thanks for dropping by with your ideas...............stan
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