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Youthful vigour buried in history.
Forsaken by her kith and kin,
Languishing in mute agony.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
This is an attempt to create a short poem, that is a european approach to a Japanese style. It must contain no more than 24 syllables.

Comments

and you named her in the title....
it would make more sense to me

i love it
it conjures up a very powerful image of someone forsaken
great write lou
love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Thank you, ive given it a title, thought it worked better not to give her a name.

Louise xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Youthful vigour buried in history.

Forsaken by her kith and kin,

Languishing in mute agony.
________________________

I would make it slightly differently like:-

Youthful vigour
buried history, forsaken, lost,
poetry.

Not strictly following any correct form as there should
by the trad. 5/7/5 syllable sounds present.

There must be innumerable variations possible:-

Pain, youthful vigour
forsaken understanding
words of poetry

I managed a try at this 5/7/5 and this is right!!!
OOO what fun it is too, but I don't feel one has to be bound by the
5/7/5 as the essence of these little bits of philosophy and the
detailed study of moments of enlightenment are perhaps
more important not to miss out on, their very quality
is judged by that and the content is always intensely
felt and expressed.

Bamboo shadows
sweep the steps
but no dust stirs.

That's a bad trans, by me from the Norwegian to English!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So it doesn't count as anything like correct, but you seethe whole
passing of a day in this little vision of reality, and it is so beautiful.

The most famous Haîku is Basho's I think:-

The ancient pond
a fish jumps in, splash
silence again.

Variousøy translated from the original Japanese which cannot
have half the association power, nr the musical quality,
nor the beauty of the calligraphic symbol for the whole
that we try to convey hopelessly. But the essence of the
message is there.

Poetry:-

It is often as if the whole expressive character of poetry
has been covered up, hidden in shyness, lack of inspiration
to show itself, or lack of the need to use it, waiting in the
wings to act out its vigours when tapped, and then it pours
forth like the essence of the spirit, with the contents well
digested long ago; at least that is what it has been for me.

It needs the draw of love, or the pain of illness and loss,
to set the mind searching the deepest recesses of thought
which are suddenly so poignantly experienced, that they
have to be spelt out to be understood fully by the self.

One's whole self becomes revealed for all to see and
contemplate, all aspects of our existence individually
become common property, and are an inspiration to debate
and a deeper understanding of the human psyche.

You set my mind pondering lou, and I hope others will
do the same.

Yours Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Wow what a response to my poem!!! I'm glad it was a cause for inspiration.

Louise xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Shirl you caught me in a silly mood hence, this reply title

Thanks

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

hi Lou!
I can relate this poem to an early time in my life, when poetry was my only source of inspiration. It may be short but it is packed with purposeful intent and meaning.
love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you very much , it's so great to have you back.

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

think! ~ Love, ~ Gee

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