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Sovereignty...
The sovereignty of ownership
and a tale of lies
outweighs the council of friendslip
is a word to the wise
Chances are that gambling
involves a coming clean
take off the stealthy ring
Gollum's journey to be seen
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Mon, 2020-09-21 19:03
I'm thinking...
that you may, in fact be right. I was going for a sort of old English feel, but I do believe that it is not necessary to the line.
Thanks, ~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Mon, 2020-09-21 21:44
Sovereignty
Hi, Geezer,
LOTR! My, precious! Wonderful language! I'm sure you know that J. R.R. Tolkien created languages in his writings, especially the Elvish. I feel the spirit and the nature of the language here - and an eeriness, too. When reading, I hear the voice of Gandalf. Wonderful!
Thank you,
L
Geezer
Tue, 2020-09-22 18:56
Yes...
I did know that Tolkien created languages just for his stories. What a marvelous writer! I'm glad that you liked it and heard the voice of a wise and loyal friend. That is the spirit it was written in. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Tue, 2020-09-22 19:00
Thank you Mark...
I do believe that you have the story correct. That is exactly the spirit it was written in. I'm glad you liked it and understood the premise. ~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.