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Soil, Silt and Despondency (Brown)

Recently varnished
This worn yoke of yew
Strapped to bull oxen
Now freshly renewed

The wood has been treated
The leather repaired
Sure as the seasons
The plowman takes care

Calloused hands
Hold firm to the reigns
Sweat on bronze muscles
That fashion the lanes

With mighty pulls
He prompts them to yield
Oxen turn, scribing
Zen gardens on fields

The plowing and planting
The work of his days
Equates to much more
Than the barley and maize

His lover stirs early
Arising to greet
The soft worn pine boards
Living under her feet

Her soles are tender
Calloused as well
The bread sits there cooling
Emitting it’s smell

She takes up her buckets
One in each hand
Walks to the riverbank
Kneels in the sand

She gathers the water
As she always has
With sunrise upon them
They glow like topaz

Her umber path
Runs close to the bank
Above the tan silt line
At high waters mark

Sad self reflection
She thinks mournfully
Of the child she buried
Immobility

Stark introspection
Made her life a hell
Robbing her taste
Stole sense of smell

Struck halfway blind
Vision sepia
Colors did not exist
While muddled in mire

Quicksand still beckons her
But anchored by love
She fights through the days
She thanks stars above

The colors return now
They wash out the brown
Again she’s with child
Once lost, but now found

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Last of the “colors” series and maybe my favorite. Enjoy
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

did you plan to write this from a woman's view point? I often attempt to write from a masculine point of view. I don't like most women, for the most part. I find that many of them are gamer's, and i find that most are convoluted in the way they think and go about things. they don't do things simply. with men, the shortest distance between two objects, is a straight line. when they get into a vehicle to drive, their consciousness does not expand to the borders of the car. they don't "become the car". (it is wise person he does not take a ride from a woman who is stoned) anyway, this the best (brown) poem I have seen. your woman seems to be earth bound (ties to the earth and her present pregnancy saves her life.

* I have found a number of spatially aware women here on Neopoet.
I very much liked your empathic poem.

always, Cat & eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I’m not sure I ever intentionally write anything. That is, I just write. Most times I get something like what I envisioned, such is the case here. I saved this one for last because these are the common people (proletariat) typically signified as (grays) I think Brown is a better choice. Like you said the common person is grounded. Two kingdoms over there’s a purple king who is fighting so the “browns” can have more. The red Queen will send the proles to war because her roses are the wrong color… I had hoped for a loose theme with the 10 colors.

All that being said I have inspiration for this one as it is an answer to a favorite song lyric of mine. The song(s) are know as “Weather Report Suite/Let it Grow” by the Grateful Dead and those lyrics are by John Perry Barlow.

Part 1
Winter rain, now tell me why,
Summers fade, and roses die.
The answer came; the wind and rain.
Golden hills, now veiled in gray,
Summer leaves have blown away
Now what remains? The wind and rain.
And like a desert spring,
my lover comes and spreads her wings,
Knowing,
Like a song that's born to soar the sky,
Flowing,
Flowing 'til the waters all are dry,
Growing,
the loving in her eyes.

Circle songs and sands of time,
and seasons will end in tumbled rhyme,
And little change, the wind and rain.
And like a desert spring,
my lover comes and spreads her wings,
Knowing,
Like a song that's born to soar the sky,
Flowing,
Flowing 'til the rivers all are dry,
Growing,
the loving in her eyes.

Winter gray and falling rain,
we'll see summer come again,
Darkness falls and seasons change
(gonna happen every time).
Same old friends the wind and rain,
Summers fade and roses die,
You'll see summer come again,
Like a song that's born to soar the sky.

Part 2
Let it Grow

Morning comes,
she follows the path to the river shore
Lightly sung,
her song is the latch on the morning's door
See the sun sparkle in the reeds;
silver beads pass into the sea

She comes from a town
where they call her the woodcutter's daughter
She's brown as the bank
where she kneels down to gather her water
And she bears it away
with a love that the river has taught her

Let it flow, greatly flow,
wide and clear

Round and round,
the cut of the plow in the furrowed field
Seasons round,
the bushels of corn and the barley meal
Broken ground, open and beckoning
to the spring; black dirt live again

The plowman is broad as
the back of the land he is sowing
As he dances the circular
track of the plow ever knowing
That the work of his days
measures more than the planting and growing

Let it grow, let it grow,
greatly yield

What shall we say, shall we call it by a name
As well to count the angels dancing on a pin
Water bright as the sky from which it came
And the name is on the earth that takes it in
We will not speak but stand inside the rain
And listen to the thunder shout
I am, I am, I am, I am

So it goes,
we make what we made since the world began
Nothing more,
the love of the women, work of men
Seasons round, creatures great and small,
up and down, as we rise and fall

Check it out
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IN6mjNMNytY

I love this and I hope that my answer to Barlow’s lyric is a fitting homage to one of my favorite poets now passed into oblivion.

So glad I get to share this stuff with you all,
Tim

author comment

thank you. I enjoyed it, a bit long, but worth the time spent.

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I really like the farm-life story.
A couple of lines gave me pause, but nothing that can't be fixed easily.

Hold firm to the[reins]

[Heels calloused well] usually if your skin is calloused, it's not tender,
but soles can be tender while the heels calloused.

[water's]

Vision [dire] if you insist on having vision included, it may as well make sense

[No colors exist]

I enjoyed the brown colors through-out the piece.
I think brown has to be one of the hardest to write about. Nice job though. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

The story and how the many shades of brown were worked into it...nothing I would change. Excellent use of language, imagery a d flow.

~RoseBlack~

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