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SO PROUD
SO PROUD
We walk down the street and,
I hear people say,
"A beautiful lady is coming our way."
Although you don't hear them,
I certainly do,
And I'm so proud, so proud,
To be with you.
We step in a store and,
I hear people sigh,
Their eyes fill with wonder,
As you amble by.
Although you don't notice,
I certainly do.
And I'm so proud, so proud,
To be with you.
It's now late at night and,
We've made our way home.
I'll treasure each moment
I'll have you alone.
I'll hold you and whisper
These words ever true.
I'm so proud, so proud,
To be with you.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I wrote SO PROUD for my wife. It is a true-story poem.
J.E. Deegan
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Mon, 2022-06-20 19:50
This is a song friend
I’m a music producer and performer too and these are beautiful song lyrics. Gorgeous. Love it. Timing is perfect. Theme is timeless. I kinda get the feel like I’m watching two people in love on a date night that ends really nicely. It’s pretty thanks for sharing.
Tim
Jackweb
Tue, 2022-06-21 03:51
That's a good testimony!
"Proud" as praise- an external judgement of someone else's accomplishments. Giving a woman a word of praise with every fibre of your being makes them to be elated. No woman could ever hear this kind of word of appraisal and refuse to stick to his man. It's very rare to see men of this nature to express this kind of feeling about their lover.
From all indications, she had been tasted and trusted. It's very essential we should all value what we have. Women are fragile, even a common word could break them apart. (Vice versa)Therefore, men's gaze of approval of their sweet heart lie on the beauty of heart and soul.
Beautiful!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-06-21 07:01
dear J.E.
really great poem...and I agree this is a song!!! liked your title. the poem flows very well. my husband and I are still in love, after 30 years of marriage, the love is strong...and from reading your poem, I can see that yours is too! my favorite lines are:
It's now late at night and,
We've made our way home.
I'll treasure each moment
I'll have you alone.
I'll hold you and whisper
These words ever true.
I'm so proud, so proud,
To be with you.
because I can tell that in the morning, you will wake up still in love...
*hugs, Cat
*
*
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Geezer
Tue, 2022-06-21 10:20
I, likewise...
admire the song-like quality of those lines. The one line that says all is: "I'll have you alone". Like you feel, because she is so beautiful and admired; you are forced to share her with the rest of the world! Great stuff! ~ Geezer.
.
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J.E. Deegan
Sat, 2022-06-25 19:18
SO PROUD
Thanks to all who commented on SO PROUD. Each of you perfectly captured the essence of the poem.
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