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Snackboy...

Submitted by Geezer on Wed, 2017-03-22 15:21

Snack-boy

Fingers sticky from candy and chips
he mows down the enemy
The field is cleared away at last
He reaches for the salty bag
and finds the crumbs of rations

A little R&R, before jumping into the war again
He needs sustenance more than he needs ammo
Complete silence greets his ears
as he searches for something
to boost his energy level

Locked and loaded, the enemy in his sights
he triggers a burst of fire and chews
Spittle dripping from his chin, he wipes his face
and bombs their lines

His eyes are red-rimmed, staring down the scope
and his trigger-finger is sore, not itchy
His comrades-in-arms call out each others' names
and he answers to Snack-boy

The war has been one-sided so far
and they have lost no ground
He calls for his right hand man
to bring another round of gummi-worms

The stars shine faintly in an alien sky
as he swallows another fist full of raisins
Recharge your lasers; over the top, he shouts
around a carrot stick dangling from his lip

Eating up the ground, he jumps from tree to tree
never wavering from his duty
From far away, a distant call in his memory
he remembers hearing the chow-call from home

He cannot be distracted now
he must band with his brothers
the Wookies and the rebels
The Storm Troopers are breaking through
the lines, cutting them off from supplies

As Luke Skywalker, he cuts down the enemy
and eats their oily chips
Bubba-fet and the Sith have wounded Chewbacca
but he knows that the Jedi will hold them back

The smell of cordite is replaced
with the odor of hotdogs and mac and cheese
and it is too great to ignore
He is killed as he stands up
to answer the call to chow

Wait!... There is a spark of life left yet!
He will rejoin the battle
soon as he recovers from a stomach wound
The hero has saved the day
and his queen has rewarded him with a feast

He knows that it is not over as he sits to eat his due
There is another battle to be fought tomorrow...

He hopes the supplies will arrive in time

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Last few words: 
This is one written before "The Crash." I never thought that I would see it again, as I didn't remember backing it up on paper. I have put it through an edit in preparation for inclusion in a book. Is there anything I might have missed?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2017-03-23 11:02

Geezer's picture
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who was a pre-teen at the time, was living with my wife and I.
He was interested in the "Killer" poems that I was posting and was giving me ideas that I might use.
I happened to be busy at a time when he wanted to talk and I suggested that he write down some things to show me later. When I read one of his ideas, I liked a scenario that he proposed and decided that I would try to craft it into a poem. Now, he was into the Star Wars thing and video games and played for hours, while he snacked on various things, so when I mistakenly saw his character called Snake-boy as Snack-boy, I took the idea and ran with it. LOL When he informed me that the character was named SNAKE-BOY, I was apologetic, but he said that he really liked the poem anyways, because it really was him in real life! We still laugh about it and he was delighted that I had retrieved this one, when I spoke to him the other day. The stomach wound was his hunger and the call to chow was grandma calling him for supper. I thjnk you can get the rest. Thanks for the read and the comments about the difficulty of writing a poem about war and battles. ! ~ Gee.
.

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author comment

Esker

Thu, 2017-03-23 22:56

Esker's picture

the macro vision of the individual
truly occurs
talismans or food
cigarettes
the heavier get heavier and
the thin get thinnner
old adage

good that you use the gamer
thematic...the youth over there
now play the games
and its all nicknames often
never did military..i had my nut
papers at fifteen
and would not have gone past
physical with the asthma
but did end up in treatment
after treatment for coping mechanism
stuff....in there its a unit of sorts
i had a bald head then and was heavy
so I got BULL the crazy dude from nightcourt
an old show...still get called this now and
then by the old crew still holding it together
the ones left anyway

reading up on the combat peoples they picked
who was going to bring the treats...pack the
casette tapes....carry the batteries...
when I worked the street level
I had nicknames...was groomed to not know
names..many wanted to escape all that anyway
K-Tel Kyle...Spills no Drops....I'm too busy...she
was a front staff and was never free it seemed
for any enquirys at her post...
Shitzu....cause everytime she talked it was always
about something shitty ..a word she used often
Sidewalk....a big lumbering dude with those ear
plugs in his lug...stuttered and bitching at me
with my bike on the sidewalk....gave him room
slowed down but no..not good enough..
maybe if he biked he would lose some of his
girth...he never said it to me face to face
but just as i got past him....i hate cowards like
that....at least Snack Boy with his idosyncatic
issues like real people handling the job of
that kind of work is original...
never shirking the job...

no matter what chaotic thing went on I never
lost my appetite either

a very clever write....
spot on Geezer!

thank U

Mr Wolf!

Geezer

Fri, 2017-03-24 08:34

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Jason is still a gamer and plays a lot when he isn't studying. His life pretty much revolves around gaming, as he is going to tech-school to develop games. He and his friends spend lots of time playing war-games. I used to play some of the now antiquated games, when I had a P.S 2. but was more into the adventure type games. Still, there was fighting in some of them. I never got another system when the old one broke, because I realized that it was taking too much away from other things that I should be doing. [I didn't have the will-power to quit when I should]. Strange, how addictive some things like that can be. I didn't do the military thing either, having been shot in the eye with a BB gun on my sixteenth birthday. Wanted to go but they said no, what would you do if you got dirt or something in your good eye? I asked them what would you do if something got into both eyes? Glad I didn't go. Now that I am older, I realize that war isn't a glorious, wonderful thing.
It is sometimes necessary, but not something to look forward to. Thank you for the comments and your insight to the world of nicknames. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Esker

Fri, 2017-03-24 22:59

Esker's picture

unto yea I sayeth Let Heaven enter unto thy great rocking days of existance
and yea shall Exist Rocking!! Just made that up!

Live each day!

Good response to the eye thing!
dude I know goes to meetings and has a glass
eye...U know...as a twenty something
or teen late...my chappie friends stopped
on walk home..two miles from public school
stop on buses...we often would hop off
and do the STAND BY ME walk on the tracks
which basically followed the highway through
the valley of hills home
this one time there were messing with a Co2
pellet gun...looked like a nine milli or something
the one friend had it tilted in his palm
I was to his left...and it went off...
sure he squeezed the trigger..
and I felt the pellet whiz by my head
whiz by my face....my right eye is my good
eye...and would have been the only good one
to see with back then.....My fear was to be
blinded....Ive worked with air hoses
came close when the lines came apart
that was before you had safety line cables
and clips...which we got and used...

so...could have been me too brother!!

interestingly enough.....many of the old
ex military dudes like me
including the world war one people
and my pals letting me get to know
the hungarian resistance fighter
the U boat captian
the Budapest man
the veitnam peoples
and other armie peoples
loas....etc etc..

the older games were better Gee
wider...u could take all the time to
investigate the gamer world
then...they were huge
samplers..like music
I remember
mid nineties playing
Playstation one
loved Final Fantasy four or five
then...now its up to twelve?
Selphi...and the crew
Galbadia..
SILENT HILL ONE by Konami
loved the mandolin music
Sarah..the dad looks for his
kid in the old haunted town
I had lost my kid
walked away and let the ex
have her..bitter separation
my parents against me
my friends on her side
..ha..
no money for lawyer to fight
in the game the hero sees
his kid now and then
and she has a little sketch
book....oh man....talk about
haunting me..my kid and I
used to draw..
Huntsville was all hills
like the town of Silent Hill

I am addicted to games

when I played GTA5
or HOMEFRONT
or BLACK OPS
and other soldier games
that was it....
I liked that U worked as a team
in the game
still do
and one of the soldier games
has a dog...I have a dog

online games have broader world
more of a tinkers damn
world....my smart friends all have
online subscriptions
my Bunni builds little cities
wakes up at four...in morning
but its a big city...
lots of work
she won a contest and was
so happy

anyway...one day i will
get back from hock my
xbox

so now i got time to come
here and write these long
ass dispatches...
in real time i was out in water
slush getting splashed by cars
passing..i just laugh
people would get mad
but why? if you cant take
a joke...laugh at yourself
then your not happy inside
slept a few hours
but got a lot..and I mean
a lot done...

ThankS gEEzer
your like a true brother
to me

Roger that!

Mr W

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