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SMILE IN THE WILDERNESS
Too beautiful a smile
never to be forgotten
in the wilderness
she met him
thought of him perhaps
as a mirage
was he real
he smiled
silence prevailed
all were lost in the oasis
where was it but in imagery
the poet had nothing else to say
so he smiled right away
he had none to return his smile
yet the sun as usual did shine
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2022-11-08 09:42
Your poem seems...
fine up until the las two lines. You have already established that he smiled; why then do you say: "he too smiled."?
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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lovedly
Tue, 2022-11-08 11:24
Thanks Gee
you serve Neo's purpose
beautifully
author commentscribbler
Tue, 2022-11-08 11:26
hi loved
I agree with geese. Also a bit of punctuation would benefit this poem."The poet had nothing else to say" is an excellent line
lovedly
Tue, 2022-11-08 12:59
FROM WHERE DID THE SUN RISE ur on my page after ages
STAN DO SAY
WHEN ......
you were around Neo was differently sound
now they want my legal form
to post selected poems
as you know.....
of a no man anon
but poet of Neoman
life is a juxtaposition u know it....
scribble on
the sun has yet to set
author commentLavender
Tue, 2022-11-08 17:10
Smile in the Wilderness
Hi, Lovedly,
The first stanza really grabs me...it is pure poetry. Not to be too romantic, but if I were listening to someone say those words to me, I don't think I'd here anything after that.
Thank you!
L
lovedly
Tue, 2022-11-08 23:09
ooooooooooooo
That's an encouraging comment Thanks Lav ma'am
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