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smile haiku
baby face smiling
puppies with fast wagging tails
greetings at our home
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2023-11-12 05:40
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem follows the traditional 5-7-5 syllable structure of a haiku, which is commendable. The imagery is clear and evokes a sense of joy and comfort. However, the connection between the lines could be strengthened. While the first two lines seem to create a picture of innocence and happiness, the third line, "arriving at home," seems somewhat disconnected. A suggestion would be to create a more explicit link between the images. For instance, the third line could be something like "bring warmth to our home," which directly ties back to the joyous images in the first two lines. Furthermore, the poem could benefit from the use of sensory details, which are a key element of haiku. Consider incorporating sounds, smells, or tactile sensations.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
Sun, 2023-11-12 08:51
This
Is adorable. Simple pleasures that create happiness. The feeling of arriving home and having someone or something glad to see you. I enjoyed this.
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Sun, 2023-11-12 18:55
smile haiku
Hello, Mark,
I can feel the warmth in each of these things that make you smile. Delightful!
L