Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Slow Dance Song

Submitted by washing tears on Mon, 2011-01-24 19:36

Snowflakes are falling
And I cannot understand
Fireflies are floating
It’s hard enough to demand
That I take your hand-

Watch as I dance and fall
Onto your gorgeous tongue
Watch as I stand tall
Inside your gracious heart
Let our love restart-

Remember a time less confusing
When love was at your bed
Remember a life worth losing
A loaded gun at your head
While I was watching, you just let us fall

Raindrops are falling
And I cannot comprehend
The snow is crunching
Below our feet with friends
Take me back to the end-

Remember a time less confusing
When I was in your bed
Remember a life worth losing
My lips on your forehead
While I was watching, you sang a slow dance song

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

washing tears

Sat, 2011-02-05 19:22

washing tears's picture

thank you Ian,
all of your comments have been very appreciated. this poem was made intentional, the two stories were as one, one in summer, one in winter. I wanted the contrasts in similar things to be brought about. snow and fireflies, snow under toe and raindrops over head... paralleled is the two repeated stanzas, from the death of love, to the continuation of love. "Gun at your head vs lips on your forehead" "let us fall vs singing a slow dance song"
thank you again Ian

-with what love could be...

Washing Tears

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.