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Sit beside me
Sit beside me(1)
Sit, let me assail your ears
You're the angel who takes her sojourn
to the earth
Flying not, like that of a bird, the Jove
On top of the land of the leal.
The Illume of your glisten teeth,
Even harrows me with a joy and love.
Sit beside me, speak about me,
Take a pregnant pause,
Then bode me the story of two lovers,
Who dine and wine in an ocean of love
Even ours won't follow the scripture
That featured the Romeo and Juliet,
the bird lovers.
Sit beside me, the day is fine
I sense the gardens are full
Let's pass some good time.
Sit, let me seize
The salty river of your eyes
I brought to you, a smile
decorated with a wonderful combs
To fill the havior of your countenance
That had seized by the less leisure.
Perceived, received through ex parte of your Ex_lover.
Sit beside me, the air is joyously brimming,
Your company is another grand of scheming,
Those looks that lost Zulaikah to her crush.
Those sweet words that move me
With their noble fascination.
Touch me, those heaven's lamp
are well securing our soul's movement.
Sit beside me, let's play
with some lowest forms of wit, (pun)
You said: I'm your Sun, not ordinarily mama Son.
Sit and let's play, with those words
Added to a world of relationship
That make one feel the paradise of love.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage:
Content level:
Explicit Content
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Comments
Candlewitch
Mon, 2022-05-09 07:40
hello,
I see that you are a new member here. please allow me to issue you with a very warm welcome to Neopoet! if you have any questions about the site, please ask. I will try to answer your inquires to the best of my abilities. if I can't answer them, I will find someone who can. enjoy the site.
I like your title, but I am curious about (Sit beside me(1) what does the (1) mean?
in this line: Sit, let me assail your ears (assail) means to hurt or do damage. is this what you intend? I have never heard of a bird called "The Jove" do you mean(by Jove?)
in this line( On top of the land of the leal) what is a "leal"?
this line: The Illume of your glisten teeth, (the illumination of your glistening teeth) is better.
this line: Even (harrows) me with a joy and love. (harrows means to destroy or spoil)
Then (bode) me the story of two lovers, (reveal to me the story, impart to me, or tell
remove this line: (the bird lovers.)
Section 2:
Sit, let me seize (Sit, let me gaze
into the salty rivers of your eyes)
STOP using the word (seize)
I will quit here because I am worn out. so I will let someone more knowledgeable to continue your instruction. keep writing!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Ray Whitaker
Fri, 2022-05-13 10:10
Welcome to Neopoet
Cat above has asked many of the questions I have after reading your poem.
Write more, read more on this site, and post more here. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Ray
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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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