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In Silence

Submitted by alidzain on Tue, 2015-12-01 05:22

In silence,
the trees quench their thirst
while their leaves gather
to celebrate nature's kindness
as a starving snake slithers,
seeking its prey
to appease its hunger
at the end of the day.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

wesley snow

Tue, 2015-12-01 16:36

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I'm sure I don't understand the transition. It's kind of confusing for me.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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alidzain

Thu, 2015-12-03 09:23

alidzain's picture

Let's see I can help with that.

In silence,
the trees quench their thirst (its raining)
while their leaves gather
to celebrate nature's kindness (the rainwater keeps them alive)
as a starving snake slither,(life goes on in spite of the weather)
seeking its prey
to appease its hunger
at the end of the day.

Alid

author comment

scribbler

Wed, 2015-12-02 22:15

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the snake slithers and in next line I'd drop "for". A good description of how life goes on even in a day of rain............stan

alidzain

Thu, 2015-12-03 09:24

alidzain's picture

Thanks for the visit and the read. Done the edit.

Alid

author comment

Sparrow

Thu, 2015-12-03 10:37

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A goodly write, just one small thing a snake may slither, but to find its food it "slithers" from one place to the next, the plurals need words to accompany them,
Snakes slither
A Snake slithers,
Its just a ?? of who's doing what??
Talk to you later,
Yours as always, Ian..

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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

alidzain

Fri, 2015-12-04 08:46

alidzain's picture

I missed that one out.

Alid

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wesley snow

Fri, 2015-12-04 14:41

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for the explanation.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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alidzain

Sat, 2015-12-05 03:34

alidzain's picture

its my pleasure.

Alid

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