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Sick Again... Round Robin Finale

And so, with pounding head and aching eyes
I dragged myself back to bed
Only to be awoken by the family dog
As everyone else had abandonded me
to my well-deserved misery, I got up
After his morning defecation...
I couldn't look, let alone pick it up
I had to brave the smell of a freshly opened can
of horse-meat [that he found perfectly acceptable]
He washed his face and my bare feet with a drink
When he tried to thank me with kisses
I left an offering in front of the porcelain-god

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I liked the challenge of having to think hard about how to get everything i wanted to say, into these twelve lines. I've enjoyed this whole thing greatly. ~ Geez. .
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Irony rules the roost in my estimation
and the cock has crowed!

Obi.

I felt that the porcelain-god deserved a little worship. My penance for the celebration with Bacchus. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

This was a great challenge! Well done

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

I think maybe another one? Then we can think about opening a workshop; so that we may invite a few more people; and we won't have to give up our poem of the day!
~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

Homage to the porcelain God and the idea of a workshop. Count me in

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

I've bowed down to the porcelain God many a time in my younger years, too. now I cannot drink even one bottle...no tolerance any more. you finished off this round robin with flare!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Maybe we should do another round? Then we can think about doing a workshop! Inviting more people, [not many more] and we won't have to give up our daily poem! What do you think? ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

I'm up for it!

*hugs, Cat

(ever, eddy)

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Pretty successful round. I could get into a workshop. I wrote a few trying to get this one started. I’m terrible at not completing a thought. The third attempt was the only one that seemed ambiguous enough to be continued. So…I’ve got one lined up for the stream tonight, Cat says I’m a romantic and likes when I “talk dirty”…

that you are sassy and bright (with a dark streak;)

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

He does have me singing about vehicular homicide during my daily guitar practice.

carried through wonderfully.
A bit of a deviation on my part, sorry bout that.
Well done and a final ending well done.
(now I'm gonna be sick)
Mark

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Your section was almost a word for word recitation of my inner monologue. The feeling of knowing you’re stopping at the store for beers after work. You really captured that romance I invented around alcohol. I was never physically addicted to alcohol I was attached to a symbol I created. Something I don’t need any longer.

Tim

I thought a bit OT but more confident now.
Mark

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