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A Ship Called Home

I thoughtfully walked, along a pretty long beach
Sea air in my hair; sand under feet.
Admired the view, that I’ve always known
Homed in and then reached, a ship called ‘Home’.
I live and I sleep where the seagulls screech
It’s ideal, idyllic, so I’m always at peace.
Lost without it, but on the beach near the ship
Like a seagull who landed, not stranded, - I found it.
I was told, by a man who was old, to be lonely is only
A feeling of needing, of which the purpose is solely
To mix with the hoard - it constricts and it strangles
So, live life alone, or your mind will be tangled.
Keep yourself to yourself, and admire the tide
Make the ocean your life, and the stars your guide.
Swim with care if you dare, avoid sharks untamed
The ocean and emotions, are one of the same.
Men are the sharks and birds are the waves
The waves come and go - the girl’s I crave.
It puts light in your eyes, enjoying the sun
No one near, but fish by the tonne.
I’m ashamed to say, that to this day
I’ve never endeavoured, in this stormy weather
To dare, cos I’m scared, to climb the nest of the crow!
So, I eat fish that I catch, and eggs of birds unhatched
Which takes care of my figure so bigger I grow.
Anchored at bay, that is far from risk
The cannons have a use - I fill them with fish
Out of sunlight, but in sight, don't go without
But God forbid there’d be no fish, if there was a drought.
The sunlight is heat, when your life is cold
So capture the rapture, you’ll live to grow old.

Editing stage: 
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Not Explicit Content


You have a good grasp of narrative form, telling a story in rhyme, there's some nice wisdom abut solitude and being at peace, keep on keeping on, continue to write.

Can edit it a bit, think there are something that could make it flow better. I think everyone likes the ocean but the one contradiction with this is that solitude is only appreciated when not always alone. But it's a poem... I think if everyone (all poets) said exactly what they think, all the time, then might not go down so well. Cos we are all human and have to get by somehow.

author comment

First off, great writing. I know the commitment or luck involved in a long structured piece like this. For me it luck, commitment and 25 years experience as a poet/lyricist. You’ve honed it in and you’ve got a good flow and a feel for rhyme.

How are things? How have you been?

Thanks but I am very confused about the 'luck' part. Spent a while on this, after thinking deeply. Luck?!

author comment

I wasn’t saying you got lucky. I was merely pointing out that a great poem can be the result of good luck. For instance even when I think deeply and put all my effort into my writing the end result is still somewhat bound by luck. I was lucky enough to be born in America. I was lucky enough to receive and education. I was lucky to be blessed with just above average intellect and I was lucky enough not to be emasculated by our society because I read books.

I can tell you put the time in on this. Luck affects everything in my opinion because sometimes no matter how well we prepare or how hard we try eventually we all need a little luck.

Sorry I ruffled your feathers a bit. Not my intention whatsoever

Oh okay, sorry was genuinely confused. But yeah makes sense now

author comment
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