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She Certainly Was...
Contrary, she wore it
like a sparkling diadem.
So comely, yes
such fine angles
an oddity too, smiling
her secret thoughts,
rapt with unheard melodies.
Speaking only with violet
eyes, under lashes smokey,
dusting her peach
blushing cheek.
Unperturbed by the male
element amassing around her
like dogs in heat...
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Jackweb
Tue, 2023-02-07 19:45
A diadem
such a headband symbollizes a badge of royalty. I can imagine a tall lady, slender and graceful. If she crosses my part, I would be on a trail and say hello! LoL.
A very polished piece, with language.
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Candlewitch
Thu, 2023-02-09 07:18
dear Onyineche,
thank you, always, for your responses!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Rosewood Apothecary
Wed, 2023-02-08 06:08
Flapper
Is she a flapper? Or a gypsy queen?
contrary, she wore it
like a sparkling diadem.
So comely, yes
such fine angles
an oddity too, smiling
her secret thoughts,
rapt with unheard melodies.
Speaking only with violet eyes
under lashes smokey,
dusting her peach
blushing cheek.
Unperturbed by the male
element amassing around her
like dogs in heat...
I changed the way lines 8 & 9 play with each other. It sounded better to me that way. It is fine as is. Rhythmically it seemed to make sense to shift it around a bit.
You have uncanny descriptive abilities.
Tim
Candlewitch
Thu, 2023-02-09 07:26
dear Tim,
thank you for your time and energy. I will take a look at your suggestions a bit later in the day. I have started a life story write, just for myself. I am on page 19. it takes up plenty of time. so I will get back to this later. I just received a new ps5 game in the mail and am looking forward to that, too! ;)
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Candlewitch
Thu, 2023-02-09 07:37
and, thank you for the lovely
and, thank you for the lovely compliment!
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Rosewood Apothecary
Thu, 2023-02-09 08:21
You’re welcome
I love all of that for you. Take a break from writing and play some video games. I’m not much of a gamer but I’ll cruise through some of the games I played as a kid. I guess it’s retro gaming. 8 and 16 bit stuff. The musical arrangements in those old games are amazing especially considering the limitations. Watch the mail box for another package. Should be there by tomorrow evening.
Tim
Candlewitch
Sun, 2023-02-12 07:35
dear Tim,
thank you!
we just got a new video game for our new *play station5!
*hugs & love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Seren
Wed, 2023-02-08 11:00
Dearest Sis
You know who I thought of with her violet eyes?. Elizabeth Taylor. She was stunning when she was young she didn't need to say a word except bat her double-lashed eyes. Yes, double lashes I couldn't believe it!! how lucky can a women get to be so blessed.
Then I thought of our QE2, I always thought how stunning she was also, she had half of the UK nobility panting after her and she never realised it. That's what made her that much more attractive. IMHO.
God I could go on and on, everytime I read this I get something else from it.
This is brilliant congratulations this is a wonderful poem.
Love & hugs always Sis xox
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Candlewitch
Thu, 2023-02-09 07:32
dear Sis,
yes!!! it is written for all strong, powerful women who have not allowed their hearts be ruled by men! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
*hugs & love, Sis
p.s.
include yourself in that group!
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
RoseBlack
Wed, 2023-02-08 21:01
Love this
She sounds sultry, beautiful and like a powerful woman who can command a room with her presence alone! Love her and how you made her come to life. Well done!
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Thu, 2023-02-09 07:36
thank you Carrie,
for all powerful women, such as yourself, everywhere!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
RoseBlack
Sun, 2023-02-12 07:17
Congratulations
A win well deserved!!
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Sun, 2023-02-12 07:31
dear Carrie,
thank you! *smiles...
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Alex Tanner
Sun, 2023-02-12 07:07
Saucy
She sounds a saucy little minx. Alex
Candlewitch
Sun, 2023-02-12 07:11
yep...
she is and was! thank you Alex!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Rosewood Apothecary
Sun, 2023-02-12 12:38
Congratulations
On your contest win!
Tim
Candlewitch
Sun, 2023-02-12 13:09
dear sweet Tim,
thank you!
*always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.