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She.
she reminded me of the waves,
not because of their soft
and calming reputation,
but because they engulf
and swallow
and drown the people who get too close.
she has left me choking,
pulling me into her graveyard.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
RoseBlack
Sun, 2022-09-18 12:05
An interesting comparison
Between the deadly side of a wave and the toxicity of the woman. A short, but effective write.
.
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Sun, 2022-09-18 16:16
She.
Hello, anon,
Using the period in the title intensifies the mood to your already strong poem. You've also done a great job with such extreme description of waves. Your last (powerful) line indicates present tense. Maybe use "reminds" instead of "reminded" in your opening line? Just a thought.
Thank you!
Lavender
Geezer
Sun, 2022-09-18 23:05
The intimation...
of her pulling you in and drowning you, gives rise to the thought that you are inundated by the thought of her, making for a very emotional piece. No criticisms. ~ Geezer.
.
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