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Shadows Of The Night ( contest Entry)

Shadows Of The Night
By Damien Stryker

I roam the shadows of the night
in search of my delicate prey
perhaps she will wander into sight
daylight will be upon us soon
so quickly I must work
by the light of the moon
first her throat I will gently taste
to not sink my teeth in
would be such a waste
such a pity
moonlight has passed
so I travel home
without my lass

Damien Stryker

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I mean, you have all the elements here, but it seems like you were in too much of a hurry to get this done. Draw it out a bit! Let it build up and tell us about the emotion, tell us the feel of the night, the taste of her blood! I know you are not much for rhyme, so if it stifles you, do it free style. Good start!
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thanks let me mull it over a bit and see what I can come up with

Chrys

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author comment

you have given us a little taste, which teases us to want more, greedy things that we are! you have a good base here, now give us some landscaping. (by way of details) we really like what you have so far. more please?

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy styx
-

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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I was wondering... should the word "site" be (sight)? or is it a play on words? it is so very nice to see you here, I have missed you!

*hugs, Cat
& eddy styx
-

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Sight

Chrys

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author comment
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