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The Shadows' Connection 1 (Alid & Geezer's Hunter-KILLER SERIES)

Frowning Sulong Fazwan sat glumly in the train
Riding through the forest and mountainous terrain
A forced upon vacation, a supposed getaway
From a corrupted partner, leading him astray
"Don't let this be your ruin, hold up your career
"Never lose your temper" [which was very near]
Though the man was caught, Sulong still was angry
This break must be the thing, to bring back his sanity

Killer sat and stared, out at the scenery
He was working on a book, of new recipes
The air was thick and cold, riding on this train
He didn't even notice, Sulong's eyes of pain
As they pulled into the station, chuffing to a stop
Killer thought he saw, a man looking like a cop
He wore a pistol 'neath his jacket; packed it like a pro
Killer's seen a few, and he allowed that he should know

A few steps ahead, where the castle loomed,
all its armed guards have met their doom.
Vile men have come with vengeance in the mind,
the host was held captive, tied in a bind.
Their bald leader. executing his plan
with hopes to free his captured weapon's man
and spread the reign of terror across the land
with the virus he made with his two hands.

No one to meet the train, promised though it was
Killer thought the weather, maybe just because
Fulong and the Killer, no where else to go
Started off and walking, through the swirling snow
Ice crusted and shivering, they stumbled and they fell
At the icy gates, they rang the frozen bell
Long minutes creeping by, then a “Hello there?”
“Who is this a ringing; “Who, I ask, does dare?”

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

needs links to its prequels and sequels.
Some minor problems with meter, I've done a reading that should help you sort them.
Also some over-punctuation, some unnecessary commas etc.
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/the-shadows-connection-1-alid

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

to Wesley's Storytelling in Verse workshop.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

like a good idea, Jess. think maybe we will. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

this tasty morsel was very tasty, teasing and tempting...I want MORE!

*ever eddy
& curious Cat!

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Glad you liked it. This will be the first of the 3 series. Truth is it is a combination of our characters that we created in our poems. My character, Sulong Fazwan is a law enforcer and one of the members of the Hunters. Gee's Killer character happens to be a cannibal who kills and eats bad people. My inspiration to write storytelling in poetry form began with Ian's Digit.

Alid

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