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Self-egoistic
Books on the shelf, next to them the other books.
I am sitting by the table, playing with a compass.
Jacob, why do you have not a desire, to go downstairs, sit around the table, with us?
My mother asked.
Jacob did not answer.
I am playing with a, turning, compass, do not think about my mother’s words
Even though life is so short.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Wed, 2022-10-19 21:56
Self-egoistic
Hello, Jakub,
Interesting poem! I get both introspective feelings from studying the compass, and also the sense that life is short, so be aware of your family and those around you. I wonder about the title...is an egoist ever not concerned about "self"? Are both words necessary?
Thank you!
Lavender