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Sea Legs

the man with folded legs
and soggy shoes just below the shoreline
sits on my love
the wind tells the trees to breathe
as the man with the folded legs
reminds me of what one can do with so many tears
I can make an ocean for you
for the sea's make fond memories
and waves scream louder then my voice carries your name
the man with the folded legs sits on my love
plush and ripe
and buries it in sand
heavy toes write a eulogy on my burial site
as his folded legs walk in lies
where to the sea he falls

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

there's some good stuff going on here...wind, talking to trees, tears making an ocean. And mystery, too, what is this thing that is sat upon; what makes it plush? Is it the poet's duty to tell us, or is this piece sufficient as it is--a mystery? Or have I missed a clue?

One small point--the sodden shoes in the beginning seems to clash with the heavy toes at the end. Again, perhaps I am missing something.

of little things here.

I would rewrite the line [for the sea's make] fond memories

I would say: for the [sea makes] fond memories

[the waves] scream louder [than] my voice [carrying] your name

[sodden feet] write a eulogy on my burial site

[to the sea where he falls].

Of course, your work is yours and anything that you feel will change the meaning
should be ignored or rewritten to your own ideal. ~ Geezer.
.

The imagery is good. I especially like the last three lines.

"To fly is to fall."

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