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Say I Love You

Submitted by alidzain on Tue, 2014-09-09 16:06

You cannot comprehend
the feeling of a dying man
who has so much to say
to his loved ones
and yet his voice goes unheard,
robbed by time

Oh how he will regret,
taking them for granted,
forgetting to show his love
even with a single word!

Do not let him be you!

Say I love you when you can!
Say it with words, hugs and kisses.
You have only one life in the end,
so make merry and be kind to others.

Spread the words
to the people you loved!
Bring your smile to their days,
let joy dance their way!

Don't join the others who regret
the moments lost, words unsaid!

Say them now to the world,
and feel love blessing you
in return.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

mand

Wed, 2014-09-10 05:36

mand's picture
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This is such a delightful poem! The message is clear and wise! How sad that people don't make the time to be with their loved ones, engendering regrets at the end of their lives! Your opening two stanza's give power to the admonition:

"Do not let him be you"! - I like the way you have made this line stand out!

Again the previous stanza's add urgency to the last four stanza's of:

Say I love you when you can!
Say it with words, hugs and kisses.
You have only one life in the end, xxx - this line and the last two stanza's are motivating!
so make merry and be kind to others.

The last stanza - is just right. - those who love feel the love of others in return. ( that's the outcome / reward )!

Very nice indeed Alid!

Do I have any critque?

Maybe a little one ( which may or may not need ajusting )

"..and yet his voice went unheard, robbed by time".

I wondered if "...goes unheard..." would be better! but it's your poem, so it's up to you.

Well done Alid - delightful poem!

Love Mand xxx

alidzain

Wed, 2014-09-10 15:39

alidzain's picture

Thanks for the visit and the critique. Done the edit. Yes, nowadays, many people are busy with the business of money-making that they forget how important is the time spent with their loved ones.In the end, no matter how much money you manage to earn, 2 things are clear. You won't bring a single cent to the grave and that amount won't last. The fact stands that things are getting more and more expensive as the years increase. I recall that I can have a glass of lemonade for only 10 cents in my primary school days. Now the cheapest drink costs 80 cents!

With my current health problem, I learn to appreciate the little things in life. Who knows until when I can get to enjoy them, right?

Alid

author comment

Lonnie

Wed, 2014-09-10 13:05

A very down-to-earth poem that gets its message across quite profoundly! I see little that I would change!

alidzain

Wed, 2014-09-10 15:40

alidzain's picture

and the kind words, Lonnie. They are much appreciated.

Alid

author comment

lovedly

Wed, 2014-09-10 13:52

lovedly's picture

A dying man can have no regrets
in a moment he will be dead
and his face no longer red
so consider one as dead

but go and meet him ere his dying ways
and help hm smile his last days
then perhaps he will be happy
and
hope that he will be well

and
friend he may no longer be dying
as love gives all a fillip
and
a dead or dying man could be lying
just to seek alid your attention
and help you in poetry creation
well done all said and done

alidzain

Wed, 2014-09-10 15:43

alidzain's picture

thanks for the visit and the comment. I would have offered a poem in reply but my mind is not up to it. You see, I just get back from work.

Alid

author comment

lovedly

Wed, 2014-09-10 22:02

lovedly's picture

I at the internet 24/7 as I am otherwise JOBLESS you know

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