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Save Our Youth

What is happening to our youth?
their minds disintegrating before old age
smoking coke, shooting guns,
demanding freedom like they're caged!

A vulgar mouth on an angel's face.
The premature loss of innocence-
shocking! Shameful - a disgrace!
We can't pin our hopes on deviants!

Seek out the roots of this wretchedness!
pull them out from our minds,
free their hearts, guide their souls
let no more killer be another child

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

After our little chat on the Phoenix its nice to see that may have contributed to your future endeavors. I am looking forward to even more should you choose to continue as I hope you will. There's a lot that needs to be said. Let the truth ring out Alid no matter what deaf ears it may fall on!

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

L

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

can you please tell me your name? i can't be calling you Malice, If I'm not mistaken it doesn't has a good meaning. Anyway, I'm searching for love myself ever since Mom has been asking me when I'm going to have my own family. she's been worrying for me ever since her health has worsen due to old age. I have a duty to please her as best as I could but don't get me wrong I'm not doing this just because she asked me to. I've come to a part in my life when I started to feel staying a bachelor is not making me feel content. I have friends but I need something more. Being free to do as I please is no longer fun. In fact its becoming a bore. I guess seeing some of my friends got married can make you feel a bit envious and left out. lol.
This piece is written out of frustration. I've seen my niece and nephew's behaviours change from sweet innocence to making me feel murderous at times .lol. then there are also news of kids killing other kids in the U.S. I wonder if its the influence from tv and the movies or internet add up with their inability to handle stress are the cause of this tragedy. What can we do to stop it from happening again? we can't just cry and do nothing! It makes me mad just thinking about it...its just so sad.:(

Alid

author comment

I have to smile at this what should I do bit where you think you should go out and multiply, and bring happiness to your Mothers face.
There watching me is your picture on your works and on your profile and what is it just a little Pussycat, to many they are cuddly things that show no feelings toward us, and always seem faint hearted, now come on lets see the real you, now that you have found your poetic voice, all these profiles with substitute pictures on tell their own story.
The camera will not steal your soul lol.
Take care out there and even get a tame tiger lol,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I actually WISH there's more that I can do. Its painful to watch the harsh reality around us. sigh!Thanks for the visit and the comment.

Alid

author comment

I have a confession to make. Even though my parents told me to accept myself as who I am, I'm quite self-conscious with my looks, so i hated to be photographed. You see i'm embarrassed about my flat nose. been the joke in school and got myself feeling ugly. Thank you for asking me to show myself. its a challenge to me but i did it. I told myself its silly to know that what really matters is the person you are inside and still be too concerned with your looks outside.

Alid

author comment

you can check some of my earlier postings entitled "Dear Life" and "Remembrance" "Enjoying Solitude" and " I Am Me" are about life memories and myself "The Final Journey" and "Serenity are about death.the first is a sad ending while the other is a happy ending. My I hope you will enjoy them just as much as I like to write them

author comment

creates malfunctioning teens with consumate ease, sadly! The education system for example is one method of producing unquestioning teens, so avoid Youth Indoctrination Camps. Religion and politics and patriotism are other poisons to avoid!

The youth, many of them are questioning what is unfolding, and this will spread. The Light is returning to the hearts of men, women and children.

Good piece of writing.

_________________________________________
"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent

Wei Wu Wei

thanks for the visit and the comments as well as sharing your point of view.

Alid

author comment

in Spain (where I live) seems to be very idealistic and internationally-minded these days, so presumably very different from the young people you describe in Malaysia. For that reason I agree with Lenny of Cohen that the problem may be the system which educates people the wrong way in some countries. I liked your poem although it sounded quite conservative for a person of your age. But then I don't know about the social reality you are are surrounded by.
Best wishes,
Robert.

I'm not describing the youths in Malaysia alone but in many countries which even though they came from wealthy, high-developing countries, they seem to make man wrong choices in life that might affect their future. That last stanza's line "let no more killer be another child' actually came to me when i think about the shooting incidents in the US where the shooters themselves are kids. Many things can contribute to the downfall of our youths. Stress. influence from the media, peer pressure and even poor relationship among the family members are some of them.
Yes a flaw in the system can also cause this problem. Here in Singapore, the law concerning illegal drugs trafficking and consumption is very strict so even though the problem still exist, I can still say its under control.

Thanks for the visit and the comments. I appreciate them very much.

Alid

author comment

Now I understand...I think...
Best wishes,
Robert.

is caring!

Thanks for writing :-)

_________________________________________
"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent

Wei Wu Wei

Have you ever had a word that meant something to you that no one else might understand. To me Malice is my word. By my definition, and that's not to dis anyone else's definitions, Malice is the culmination of all life. It is the light and the darkness. It is the balance between the deepest depression and the most cheerful mood you've ever been in. It is love and hate. Malice is a person a child who is still learning its way in life and love and it is the mental instability caused by the world we live in. If I had to choose what I think is the most beautiful word that got the worst definition in the world it would have to be Malice. Or Oblivion. I love these words and to me they will always be defined by how I perceive the word and world. Its too black and white to me to just say a word has a definition just because it is in the dictionary. I'm sorry if you disagree but that's the honest reality of a dreamer like me who cooks up stories in his head all day long. I hope one day you can also see the sympathy for.certain words and people who were given a bad rap so long ago. I choose to go by Malice because to me it is the most human word for people. We are not perfect. Sometimes we are in a murderous mood. Lonely. And sometimes we find exactly what it is we want out of life, no matter how brief it might last. Perhaps my problem is I'm too honest with the world and as such I have a tendency to cause offense because in our jaded world we hide truths and soften the blows for a generation that needs to wake up and stop squandering its life. It makes me not want kids. As you recalled about your niece and nephew they're changed. I don't enjoy watching the people around me to conform to our narcotic nation. Our integrity sells for so little. But it seems so many are willing to give for free now. Its a daunting world we live in and I'm hoping Lenny is right and soon things will get better. Regarding my name if you call my Malice I take it as a compliment because you are really ( through my percpetion) calling me human. If you can't come to terms with that name then Oathkeeper would be fine

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

Oathkeeper is just too ong a word.lol.

Alid

author comment

A few comments:

Stanza 1: I don't know what it is like in Singapore but I work with a lot of youth in the US and don't know many who are using cocaine. Most I know are smoking weed, smoking spice, huffing or "quell-heads". Also, the last line might read better as "demanding freedom like they're caged." In any case, "demanding FOR" sounds a little awkward.

Stanza 2, line 3: This is a personal preference issue no doubt but . . . you're expressing shock and disgust here so I would not have this line flow as smoothly, politely and as pleasantly as it does. I would try something more broken, maybe:
The premature loss of innocence--
shocking! Shameful--a disgrace!

Stanza 3: "pull them out from their minds," Since I believe children reflect societal problems I would change "their" to "our" since children do not develop in a psychological vacuum.

Thanks for the visit and the feedback. I've done the edit.

Alid

author comment

Your poem, although there are instances that reflect,
drug usage and shooting guns in particular, seem to be
not meant in a general way, were you referring to any certain
event by any chance?
Demanding freedoms; how could that be wrong? Isn't that
what we all want? I was looking for an answer in your poem,
but only find more questions, just like it is for everyone else.

thanks for sharing

Richard

I'm referring to the destructive path that some of the youths in developing countries have chosen. Its not only the violence, its also the lack of manners as stanza 2 has suggested.
As for demanding for freedom, it is the type of freedom they are asking which has no barrier whatsoever.They have freedom but they did not understand that freedom without some form of limitations is false freedom which will lead to more problems in the future. Take for example, if a youth is allowed to smoke all he wants, his health will deteriorate. That is why the words "demanding freedom" are followed up with "like they're caged". When they can understand the meaning of responsibility and can prove that they are mature enough to take care of themselves, then demanding for freedom won't be a problem. Otherwise, it is best for the guardians with more life experience to guide them. That limitation is meant to protect them. Unfortunately, I have met with many youths in my life who THINK they know better but their own actions revealed that they didn't. I must admit even I, in my youth, is like that but I am lucky in the sense that my parents are very firm in this matter so I didn't have to suffer many consequences from bad choices.

Alid

author comment

I agree with you partially, we guide our children according
to what we've perceived, of course. But at the same time I
feel to deny the freedom of a bad choice is still denying personal
freedoms. I don't allow my young girl to go out at night but eventually
I'm going to have to trust her.

The lack of manners is bad parenting, I haven't noticed it being worse
in developing countries per sae, more like strife between political or
religious views that determine that, and we are going to have those until
we decide as human beings that we are all equal.

the difference in our point of view. If I have a daughter, i won't let her go out at night alone freely so as to make sure she won't go clubbing and mix with the wrong kind of people. anyway my religion doesn't allow that kind of nightlife. i will be firm and only allow her to go out at night with people I know I could trust. It takes one mistake to regret a lifetime. it takes a night of folly to cause an accident. it takes one wrong path to be a victim of a criminal. with cases of rape, molest. its not that i don't trust her i just don't want her to be victimised. that's my opinion. You can't stop your loved ones from making wrong choices but you can minimise the chances of that happening.

Regarding about lack of manners, it could be bad parenting, it could also be influence from their friends.

Alid

author comment

ur now in your nearly forty
u must also learn to adapt
so adopt a style
where in you can say
what u want to
and also add what one should do

glad ur poetry's Singaporey
are catching an eye all over
east and west
Alid u r now the best

the best? lol
i bet Jess disagree
Wess will puke
if they read thee

i do adapt
but more wisely
its bad manners
that I hate to see

Alid

author comment
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