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Sapphire's Song...

Color her world purple
for she is royalty
Dancing to a different drummer
she's not like you and me

Her given name is Sapphire
don't you dare forget it
She's a jewel that's shining
like no one you have met

See the world just staring
purple haze and purple sky
She's royalty, bow down
she's the sparkle in your eye

Purple diamonds and lilac blooms
Violet dreams of fame
She sings just like an angel
and the devil takes the blame

A soul that's bought and paid for
with purple amethyst
She sold herself for riches
and a voice that is the best

So color her world purple
for she is royalty
Dancing to a different drummer
she's not like you and me

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Good title. and it has the rhythm of a song. I love how the beginning comes back full circle to the ending. my goodness(badness?) you have written a confection of words! wait until Tim comes around... the two o you will be collaborating before you know it! Is this a real person or was she birthed by your imagination? I like it very much!

*Hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

a mixture of reality and imagination. The reality is that she can't sing a lick, but she has all the other qualities; looks and desire
and I'm sure that if she could, she would sell her soul for the voice! She loves purple and has tons of expensive clothes and jewelry; acting as though she is a celebrity. Thank the powers that be, she at least knows that she can't sing. I suppose that she could meet the Devil at the crossroads. LoL Thanks for the read and sweetness of confections. ~ Geez.
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author comment

It’s written like song lyrics. It would not need much because you’re a pattern schemer. I think when writing music the trick is write a part for these stanzas and see where those chords want to progress into. Then you get a different rhythm for a chorus or something like that. The repetitive line at the end is gonna stand out probably. I can take a crack at making it a song. I am a bit over extended with this. I’ve got a really solid song with words.unwritten that I’m well into recording and I’m pretty solid on something for Eddie Styx. All that being said I’ll offer my suggestions as I go provided you wanna try and see what happens.

Tim

of the things you have going. When you see something you really like, you let me know and we will try to do something with it.
I'm not in a big hurry, and I'm not going anywhere. Thanks for the offer and I'll surely let you pick from my work when you are ready. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

So yeah. It’s pretty too.

I like Sapphire. She is a unique character wrapped in my favorite shade of purple. I like how she sings despite not having a great voice. Reminds me a bit of myself. Good job :)

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

seen Sapphire for a couple of years, but I'm sure that she still can't sing, or we would have heard about it!. She is a self-serving promoter, that would be in our face. Thank you for the read and comments. I always appreciate you stopping by. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment
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