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SABBATICAL
Gentle rustle of late summer leaves
some of which begin to turn
brings solace to a heart that grieves
and peace whenever rages burn.
For I've found in my long life
most problems are wrought by men,
so when my world is filled with strife
I search out a secluded glen.
And far from the jostling crowd
beyond the news of hate and war
in woods where a crow's cry seems loud
I stay 'till I yearn men once more.
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Ian.T
Tue, 2012-09-18 10:36
Stan
Life .. to the.. Walk in the woods we have been here before but it is such a lovely place to wander or just sit in the peace.
Your first stanza though did you mean it to be a lose couplet, I had thought a bit and failed to find a word to end either the first or third lines..
I shall think more but maybe it is for you to do lol.
Loved the write, I had just before reading this jotted down a piece about walking in the Forest, we shall see what happens to them all, Yours Ian
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
scribbler
Tue, 2012-09-18 16:03
Hi Ian
The form in stanza 1 was the one I Intended to maintain but the rhyming couplets just took over lol. I'm still searching for the correct words to carry couplets all the wat through..............stan
author commentloved
Tue, 2012-09-18 12:08
i dare to totally disagree ...Sorry Stan
'''''most problems are wrought by........................ men?????
until you replace it with
'''women.....'''
I dare to not comment
wealth......money
wine.........whiskey
and
women... are man's banes
three wows
or woe's which?
loved
scribbler
Tue, 2012-09-18 16:05
Hello
I wanted to say caused by Man(denoting the Race of Man) but men fit in better. But as I told Ian this Is a first draft.............stan
author commentloved
Wed, 2012-09-19 01:20
i did understand the intention MAN==HUMAN RACEbut women may feel
left out today...
also point second...
as well as the limitation ..
lessons we all learn thanks Stan
version since appreciated
loved
scribbler
Wed, 2012-09-19 09:15
Hi loved
I feel whenever I have to explain a poem I've failed as a writer..............stan
author commentloved
Wed, 2012-09-19 12:55
ON THE CONTRARY a poem should need
a poem should need
no explanation,
let the reader imagine
what was the poet's illusion
motion
emotion
commotion
imagination
whatever was his condition?
and what did he really want to convey
as a rendition
or conveyance
leave all to the reader's fascination
no need of critical confrontation
then alone guys gals
and Man
will call you
that only one
A SINGULAR poet
that you already are
Stan..
the Neopoets
one and only one MAN!
loved
scribbler
Thu, 2012-09-20 08:50
Hello
I find myself not knowing how to respond to this other than to say thank you...................stan
author commentIan.T
Wed, 2012-09-19 02:58
Stan
Have had a quick look at this just now but you are the master of this way of writing..
Something along the line of:-
Gentle rustle of late summer leaves
bring calm to a heart that needs to grieve.
Will look forward to your changes lol, Take care out there, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
scribbler
Wed, 2012-09-19 09:16
Hi Ian
Grieve huh?..............hmmmm................thanks, an idea just emerged from my hollow skull lol..........stan
author commentIan.T
Wed, 2012-09-19 09:37
Stan
That is what I meant by how you are the master in coupling ???
LOL.
Apart from the odd begat it is now perfect..
Take care out there, teach you we must, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
scribbler
Wed, 2012-09-19 12:17
hi Ian
A true master would have gotten it right the First time lol. thanks for the ideas..................stan
author commentscribbler
Wed, 2012-09-19 22:29
Hi Lonnie
When I bother to apply it the KISS principle usually serves me well lol. Thankd for the visit..................stan
author commentloved
Thu, 2012-09-20 00:48
and what about
hi loved ????
i posted a poem especially for you
Stan
see above
loved
scribbler
Thu, 2012-09-20 18:20
Hi loved
Just took a bit to come up with a response. Not used to having poems written about me.............stan
author comment