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Rivulets conjunction

Submitted by lovedly on Wed, 2015-02-18 00:18

Rivulets conjunction

Your eyes will pierce my heart
then how will we see
so I will read your poetry
how lovely tis
your eyes are bliss
I am a cynosure of many eyes
but mine are not like this...
you lady are
a BLISS

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

raj

Wed, 2015-02-18 13:11

I think if you do away with stanzas 2 and 3, it will lift this poem.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

lovedly

Wed, 2015-02-18 14:19

lovedly's picture

your advice is wonderful here

author comment
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