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A Ride For The Dead

I’ve the dead with me
In the abattoir near the mountains
Where they dried their bones and flesh
For gold and silver of the Midianite;
Maybe someday, I’ll carry their memories
To the table where the state is ruined.
Perhaps today, I found them without footwear;
Running on the street to retreat to the tree
Where their names are tagged;
In the cold and winter, they felt all alone.
I’ve called the pen-riders to pick up my fight
When I have slept in the pot of soil.
Will they ride their pens on the potholed roads that linked us together?
When gold is smiling on their tables
Will they strike the wall with their pen-axes when they’re locked-up?
I’ve the dead with me everywhere I go
To break the story of the gods.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
*pen-riders is refer to the poet's *Abattoir is where the innocent people in the country are killed.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

you could have left a definition of words like: abattoir, pen-ridders, etc in the space for author's notes. I like the last line of your poem (probably because I am a bit morbid and because it is a great line...it saves the poem.)

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I do believe you have told the tale as it is. I think that you must have spelled [pen-ridders] wrong, it should be spelled with one [d]. And you need an [ed] on the end of [lock] - up. Other than that, I understood the poem well. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thanks for your advice.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment

A goodly amount of poetic phrases hold this together,
a few misspellings but, heigh ho.
powerful piece!

obi.

Thanks for your comment.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

author comment
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