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dear me it’s a deer

apples abound on the ground

drunken stag staggers

i creep up with a dagger

eat venison for a year

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.


The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "RhyTanka" appears to follow a Tanka structure, a form of Japanese poetry that typically consists of five lines with a 5-7-5-7-7 syllable count. However, the syllable count in this poem does not strictly adhere to this structure. For instance, the first line "dear me it’s a deer" has five syllables, which aligns with the Tanka form, but the second line "apples abound on the ground" has six syllables, which deviates from the expected seven.

The narrative of the poem is clear, depicting a scene where the speaker encounters a deer and contemplates hunting it for food. The imagery is vivid and the language is straightforward, which aids in the comprehension of the poem's theme.

However, the poem could benefit from more nuanced language to evoke emotion and create a more immersive experience for the reader. For instance, instead of "i creep up with a dagger", the poet could consider more descriptive language to convey the tension of this moment.

The use of lowercase 'i' instead of 'I' is noted. If this is an intentional stylistic choice, it could be interesting to explore how this choice contributes to the overall tone and meaning of the poem. If it is not intentional, it is recommended to correct this for grammatical accuracy.

Lastly, the title "RhyTanka" suggests a blend of rhyme and Tanka. While the poem does incorporate elements of rhyme (e.g., "deer" and "year"), it may be beneficial to further explore how these two poetic devices can be more seamlessly integrated.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

Your poem caught me out, very unexpected ending. Ruby :) xx

Commenting on poetry builds community, confidence, and comprehension. :)

Thanks Ruby I am actually pleased it had that effect.

read/comment it's a win win
I was here now I disappear..

author comment

I do not understand something that the AI has said. It says that there are only six syllables in the second line! I don't know where the AI is from, but anywhere I have ever been, the line is said: app/les a/bound/ on/ the/ ground. Stark images that depict the animal side of humans. Well done, ~ Geez.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I guessed apples correctly but on top of that checked with the syllable counter here:
Although i is low English I needed to stay consistent with no caps. It was intentional and I really do not know if it is right or wrong.
I appreciate the well-done big brother,

read/comment it's a win win
I was here now I disappear..

author comment
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