Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Resolutions

Submitted by Rosewood Apothecary on Tue, 2022-12-27 13:27

With the new year swift in its approach
I hold each moment especially close
Entice myself again to broach
Discussions of demons and ghosts

Oblige these haunts another year
Weightless vapors weigh you down
Keep you kited to their whims
You’ll no longer touch the ground

Pulled about, dragged to and fro
Always tension on the chains
Undo the clasp and let them go
Never to be seen again

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Tue, 2022-12-27 18:22

Resolutions

Hi, Tim,
I like this very much. In some ways, this reminds me a bit of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" in using the haunting chains and ghosts. The personal chains we've made for ourselves, or possibly that the world has made for us. All the pressures and misgivings. Wonderful final stanza - undo the clasp and let them go. A fresh, wise resolution. Happy New Year!
L

Candlewitch

Wed, 2022-12-28 08:11

dear Tim,

this line feels clunky to me:

Weightless vapors weigh you down
it is the repetition of the word (weigh), that I object to.
perhaps: (heavy vapors weigh you down)? or some other descriptor?
other wise the poem flows well and is of interest. good job!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Rosewood Apothecary

Wed, 2022-12-28 10:55

I understand

Think about a ghost or apparition. They are weightless vapors but they hold weight in your metal state. It is a deliberate repetition to highlight a metaphorical paradox. 99.9% of the time I’m going to agree with you there.

Thanks for your attentive critique as always,
Tim

author comment

Candlewitch

Wed, 2022-12-28 13:45

>{^;^}<

thanks for the explanation. perhaps I shouldn't make comments early in the morning,LOL no, that won't do...I'll just be more attentive instead! thanks Tim, for bringing the light for me to open my eyes and mind a bit!

*major hugs Cat
*ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Ifeanyichukwu O...

Wed, 2022-12-28 11:53

That's a brilliant use of

That's a brilliant use of paradox you have here: weightless vapors weigh you down".

It's that time of the year we are made to make resolutions. Working on mine anyway.

Neopoet

Resolutions