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Renga On Lost Wisdom

When wise men bicker
the world is turned upsidedown
as fools multiply

Ego makes no one wiser
Misplaced pride defeats purpose

Stay your words, first think
Let the wisdom rule your voice
Speak in quiet truth

Reach out to those that need words
Let them heal naturally

Co- author
Ian T

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Who are the other co authors? it's only a renga if there are two or more writing to it. Adding the names at the bottom lets others know who collaboratively wrote it. When writing a renga one should first inquire of others maybe in PM before writing and posting. One will decide who'ill submit finish content.

A author,
B author,
A author,
B author,
I'm glad to see your enthusiasm.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

i forgot it should be created by more than one poet! sigh..i'm so excited with learning something new and forget that rule. lol.I'll try to get someone to help me out or I'll turn it into a Tanka instead.

Alid

author comment

that's okay, I just wanted to make sure you aware. Have fun with your renga.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I really liked this one....the only change i would suggest is swapping of the words Pride & misplaced....i think misplaced pride reads better...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks, Raj

author comment

Thank you for the invite I have put a few words here and hope you invite more to assist you in this work:-

When wise men bicker
the world is put upside down
when fools multiply

Ego makes no one wiser
Misplaced pride defeats purpose

Stay your words, first think
Let the wisdom rule your voice
Speak in quiet truth

Reach out to those that need words
Let them heal in their own way

Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Check the second line it appears that it has 8 syllables, I put an edit on my comment so that you could maybe sort it out,
Take care out there, Have you had a look at the one I wrote for you about Kali lol.."The curse of Kali (for Alid)???"
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

done the edit. What do you think?

Alid

author comment
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