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Remix

I want to talk about you,
But I have to change you a bit.

I want to brag about you,
But people can’t know that,
you’re you.

So I say he.

I so fiercely wish I could say she,
To tell people how we really met.

It’s exciting to hear people say you sound like a dream,
But shattering to think how their opinion would change,
When they found out you were you.

I think about if we were ever to be.

The freedom in knowing that people would know it’s real.

But until that day,
I cannot have the,
It’s just a phase conversation.

So like a coward,
I’ll still brag about him,
Knowing in my heart,
That she is you.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
The struggles of being closeted.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

This longing and desperate need for authenticity is a struggle many know too well. I applaud your courage and I really enjoy the poem. The title is a bit of a thinker but I understand you’re constantly editing the story to fit the narrative you need. The pace is great and it’s very logically laid out. The theme appeals to me greatly. I have children. I want to be open and accepted. I try to set a shining example of inclusion.

I’m here if you ever need to talk. Excellent job?
Tim

for the truth and the fear of it. I think I get the title. It's too bad that people have preconcieved notions of what is right and who the people in their lives should be. I say; love and let be loved. Whatever happened to the idea that we are all created equal and should have the freedom to do as we please as long as it doesn't infringe on another's rights? A very good piece of work here. You project the longing and wishful, hopeful idea that we should all be allowed to love without fear of rejection. I think I get the title.
~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I got the nitty-gritty of this poem.

Nice work!
.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

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