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Remember Me This Way

Submitted by alidzain on Sat, 2016-07-09 13:57

When the ink of my life expires,
don't let my tale be cast aside
to gather dusts in the passing time,
a memory which slipped
from the mind.

Let my experiences be shared
so that others will gain wisdom
and have the chance to avoid
the wrongs I've chosen to do,
in the folly of my youth.

If there is goodness I have done,
let it be replicated,
so that all may attain the rewards
which the deed
has generated

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Esker

Sat, 2016-07-09 21:49

alright!!

great poem alid..Im an idealist...others are pragmatists
im more of a sociologist then poet.....maybe socialist
dunno...

its my birthday and I got no happy nothing on fb
or my mail....well...serves me right...people are
skeptical of me...jeckly and hyde...

I would pound a table and say with one eye squinted
pointing the finger round...
'Rremember me THIS way!!"
suprisingly this got more attention
then my quiet....
soliloquys....
alas..remember me...this way...

I have done good
and the other..
and I am still a folly
can laugh at my
crazy mistakes
today....
ho...one time
though..dont
laugh...way we
were brought up
we eigther fired
up the ego or we
were not going too
survive that...

some people have
an edge because
they have too...
and others are
very nice soft
kind thinking people
with great hearts...
I know many of
these too...

im more pirate
shanghied and
volunteered

its good to reflect
and want too do
good...better
then saying
******* this and
being just dastardly

worlds got enough
of that...
I stay good too piss
off those that know
i could be a real
Hell raiser!!

thank U!

alidzain

Sun, 2016-07-10 11:33