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Reconstruction

This vast and fragile heart
Which has broken so many times
Never ceases to coerce the mind
Despite the missing pieces lost
During the shattering and
Every subsequent reconstruction

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

It is a foregone conclusion that given a bit of time, there will be something lost each and every time that there is a new reconstruction, either through deliberate change or loss of memory. No matter as long as it comes out the way you want it.
I don't know, this seems a little bland according to the way you usually write, but nothing obviously wrong here. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

Hi, Tim,
A reconstructed, but determined heart. I am wondering about the context of the word "carry." It doesn't feel quite strong enough. It feels that this reconstructed heart is "rising up" in some way, but I may not be interpreting correctly. My favorite line - "Despite the missing pieces lost." Almost too hard to bear, but this is the foundation of such strong will.
Thank you,
L

Yesterday sucked, today was better. Not my best work for sure. I had a fleeting thought in bed early this morning and my phone wasn’t there so I didn’t type it into my notes. This was a failed attempt at capturing that thought and emotion. Was worth the time I put into it. Let’s fix it?

author comment

I can only tell you how this compelling poem feels to me - the powerful thoughts and emotions it brings:

This vast and fragile heart
Which has broken so many times
Never ceases to coerce the mind
During every shattering and
Subsequent reconstruction
Despite the missing pieces lost

For me, you have captured the revealing and meaningful moment. My interpretation may not be what you meant, but your language and imagery is truly captivating. I find it very moving.
Thank you!
L

This is literally just a coping mechanism. I’m kind of up and down from the standpoint of mental health. I’m attempting to get through life without behavioral meds and sometimes it can be difficult. When I get “stuck” in my own head I try to quantify some of that emotion by writing. As far as the heartbreak…it’s me breaking my own heart every time I have a depressive episode. My Cognitive Behavioral Therapy skills evade me and I feel guilty for not putting them to good use. In the absence of the mind my heart always leads me back to myself.

Tim

author comment

I'm so glad you have your poetry. It's a wonderful gift from you - to you. Thank you for being so lovingly open and amazing.
L

I like writing. Sometimes I like my writing. I definitely like a lot of yours so you praise is felt wholeheartedly. Again you are all so dear to me now. It’s a very nice feeling having daily interactions with you.

Your constant messenger
Tim

author comment

I've gotten the explanation, I'm not sure that I could done any better. I just knew that it wasn't like your other work and thought
there was a difference. Introspective works are always difficult, and I know that from experience. I guess that is why Killer has another personality... actually, if you count myself, it's two! So, the three of us work it out together. Of course, Killer is the extremist, while Sir Gee is the patient, pragmatist and me, the liaison between us and the real world. Maybe you should try it out! Anyway, now that I know, the piece seems better written. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

all I can say is: I think you are a very brave soul to go it on your own without meds. I couldn't make it without suicidal inclinations and hospitalization. I have clinical depression, dissociative identity disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and eddy styx! with medication and writing I am a patched-up-person! lol. If you want to talk to someone when you are feeling down, I am a great listener.

*hugs & respect, Cat

p.s.
the poem is very expressive!

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

So medication is an option I’m willing to consider. Currently I’m doing fairly well with these little “hiccups”. Two years ago I was very down and my wife and children were getting scared and I was too. I have their support and I’m very close with my sister (whose beautiful voice you can here on many of my recordings). I also have a good handful of you here that I get to speak and collaborate with and I have a few close friends that I can call who are just superb. So I really do feel supported from a lot of different places.

It’s tough my former band Daddie Long Legs was a well known Providence rock band. We threw a good party and we had good high energy, loud music with good lyrics of course. We won peoples choice awards and did it for 17 years. Almost half my life. A life’s work if you will. But between the Covid shutdowns and a power vacuum in the entertainment scene in Providence, my former drummer not being very popular with a good many women whom I can accurately call victims after hearing their stories.

So basically complete loss of identity, whomp whomp. Got to a place where without that on the back end the family life didn’t feel right either. Then at 41 I just sat the fuck down and dealt with all my trauma. It’s ongoing but I’m doing it.

If shit gets dark as hell I’m definitely going to the doctor, I also can increase the frequency of my therapy sessions. And I can always take you up on your offer. It’s appreciated lovingly.

author comment

It really is amazing how we can be hurt so deeply, so many times and yet we find a way to put it back together and love again. Well done.

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~RoseBlack~

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