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RECOLLECTIONS

Each time I leave my door I see
far mountain ridges taunting me
their deep valleys and steep hill sides
never again will feel my strides

For my story has way too much past
the years have caught me up at last
yet I still have my memories
of traipsing among tall spruce trees

And wading rivers and catching trout
where riffles murmur and rapids shout
walking far to set up camp
ignoring both the cold and damp

Topping mountains to see oak trees
stirred by summits' constant breeze
accompanied by friends now passed
back when my legs were strong and fast

I had no fear then that I'd stumble
or dread a coming storm's deep rumble
roaming for hours without a care
my mind oft carries me back there

Well then, mock me if you will
but one more time I'll scale you still
your crest I'll mount and even more
and meet friends that I knew before

When the bell has rung its final chime
and I've run out of mortal time
but for now I'll have to be content
to dwell in recollection's tent

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I wonder if last stanza was needed
Editing stage: 

Comments

Hey Scribe, I'd switch the last two paragraphs.

~A

A good suggestion I had not considered. I'll gather a bit more input but tend toward following your idea .thank you..................scribbler

author comment

See how it works now................stan

author comment

I have semi-bowed to the flood of popular opinion ( mainly because My stubborn self thought it right lol ) Try it now as edit was under way as you were commenting....................stan

author comment

Stan,

I really enjoyed this journey of your days past. Great use of rhyme and great flow.

I have a few suggestions for tightening it up which I have PM'd you with.

kindest regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

I'm still considering a few changes.stay tuned lol....................stan

author comment
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