Hi, Carrie,
A sad and disappointing feeling after trying to reach out to someone for their help, only to find they are not capable of caring. Yet the title seems to lend itself to turning inward - to take care of, and find oneself again. The final line feels like a strong realization and awakening.
L

this breaks my heart. So disappointing. Your way of saying it is raw and really distinguished. I wonder how could anyone break such a tender heart.
I agree with our lovely Lavender re the title and the ending lines.
Be safe dear Carrie.

this poem really resonates...You know how to cut through the crap and get to the heart of the matter! my favorite lines are:

In the end,
I lost the only thing
I truly ever had
Myself

I know exactly what you mean!
*hugs, Cat

you are having such a hard time finding yourself. We all see what a beautiful person you are. You don't need validation, you need a realization. Your heart is not only on your sleeve, but also on this page. ~ Geez.
.

"When I run after what I think I want,
my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety;
if I sit in my own place of patience,
what I need flows to me, and without pain.
From this I understand that
what I want also wants me,
is looking for me and attracting me
There is a great secret here
for anyone who can grasp it.
Rumi

So I used to have this big circle, with the children taking a lot of my time and then Covid sort of played a role in the breakup of my former band; I really had to spend time alone for the first time in my life. It was scary. I didn’t like many things about myself. I had never been honest with myself about a plethora of feelings and so I hid those from everyone else. I felt like I failed myself and by extension my wife, children, and family.

I think we all become things we aren’t necessarily comfortable with or proud of to survive. In the process we lose really fundamental parts central to our very being. I was accepted to fine art school. I lasted one semester and didn’t draw or paint anything for 25 years. I’m back to that part of me now.

Same with writing for that matter. My English/Lit teacher in 12th grade had me pegged for a writer. I probably called her an old bag and popped a tab of acid.

These aren’t mistakes, they’re milestones on the strangest and most awe inspiring journey. A journey that brought me back to myself. A journey that has connected me with new friends who seek out the parts of me I love and encourage me to grow in those areas.

I think I speak for everyone when I say we all love you tremendously and we are glad to be a part of your journey.

One foot in front of the other, ad infinitum
Tim

I felt yer pain, expertly laid out in such severe detail, that it made me flinch inwardly.

However, all that being said, it is one extremely well-composed poem that really got to me. I cannot tell you all the times I had people walk away from me when I needed them, so I can relate to where this comes from.

But, I can see you doing what I did as well. Turning inwards to find the help, and the comfort you need within yourself in order to move on with life.

I say that, but as I do I know about residual feelings not allowing you to ever totally move on.

Loved it. But not whatever happened to inspire its writing.

Really great job on this.

hello

and thank you for the poem -- it's very awesome and i like it a lot