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Rainy Nights Forever...

Submitted by Geezer on Sat, 2022-04-16 10:08

Blues drifted from the open door
down the alley in the rain
Inside that darkened barroom
souls were lost and filled with pain

Footsteps staggered from a heartbreak
down the busted stair
Not looking where he's going
toward the whiskey smelling air

Darkness muted the piano, the guitar picked
please forgive me
Lives went down the tubes, voices whispered
to be free

Through the bottom of a glass
he looked across the room
She sang straight to his heart
he fell helpless to his doom

Dark and sultry vocals, said
hello there big and handsome
She took his soul, and held it
there never was a ransom

He wanted to possess her
and she wanted nothing less
than all of his forever
and his happiness

Misery loves company
she's just built that way
Now, he's hers forever
forever and a day

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Another night of rain and instrumental piano/guitar blues.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Sat, 2022-04-16 10:15

Candlewitch's picture
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title is good...it draws one in! I like the beginning and end(and what is in the middle) of this poem. it kind of makes me think it is close to lyrics. my favorite lines are:

He wanted to possess her
and she wanted nothing less
than all of his forever
and his happiness

*hugs, Cat

*
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Geezer

Sat, 2022-04-16 19:11

Geezer's picture
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as kind of lyrics. I was listening to an album of "Dark Blues and Whiskey" and there were a lot of rainy nights and tales of
broken hearts. It was raining here for much of the night, and I could hear the rain as it spattered on my windowsill. In my mind's eye, I saw a doorway with a partially open door and a yellow light spilling out down a darkened alley; a cold rain drizzling on the cobblestones. It looked like a warm and cozy place, with a piano tinkling and a guitar twanging. I could see her up on a dimly lit stage.
He orders a whiskey neat with ice and from there... Thanks for the read and comment. Hugs from Geez and the boys.
.

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author comment

Candlewitch

Sun, 2022-04-17 05:35

Candlewitch's picture
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thanks for the explanation. you really know how to set the scene.

ever, eddy
*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

c lynn brooks

Sun, 2022-04-17 18:24

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I loved every line of it and Cat pulled out my favorite ones at that I see no changes or corrections that need mending

Chrys

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