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PUSH ME
PUSH ME
Here I stand, knuckles white
Reassuring me I’ll be alright
This fateful step I must take
I’ll just have to keep it tight
With cold wind in my face
Now it’s too late to say no
I wish to avoid any disgrace
So down there I must go
Knees are knocking and weak
In my throat there’s a lump
Are my prospects that bleak
And did Geronimo ever jump
Up here there’s no sound
Just a parachute on my back
Down there on the ground
I see a glinting railroad track
Legs are stiff and won’t move
My soul full of fear and dread
But I have something to prove
A brief life but long time dead
I must remember, pull the cord
Close my eyes and count to ten
This is like falling on my sword
And I’ll never ever do this again
It’s a long way down, indeed
A bit like a walk, in thin air
Some encouragement I need
So push me, it’s OK I swear
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Fri, 2023-01-06 06:53
Crazy
I’ve never jumped. The planes I’ve been a passenger on were always operating properly to my knowledge so I stayed on board. Lol.
Good job capturing the intensity and anxiety of that time leading up to the jump. Definitely coveys the feeling of facing pure dread and overcoming it with mind over matter.
Could you do a solid and vote for the winner of the second half of the yearly contest. Should only be a few minutes of your time. We have six entries chosen as finalists. If it’s not asking too much could you read and cast a vote for your favorite.
https://www.neopoet.com/forum/33378
Excellent job,
Tim
Geezer
Fri, 2023-01-06 08:53
I really like this...
the theme is a great one and I'm sure that many people having been faced with parachuting from a properly working airplane, asked themselves; "Just what the **** am I doing? As I have said, I like the theme, and your rhyme is impeccable; but when you read it aloud, it is noticeably lacking in rhythm in a few places. I'm sure that it can be fixed with a few little tweaks, such as adding a word or pause here and there, and I would address that, to make this a funny and excellent poem. ~ Geez.
.
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RoseBlack
Fri, 2023-01-06 12:07
Well done
I have never jumped from a plane but I can't imagine being pushed!
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Fri, 2023-01-06 17:10
Push Me
Hello, Twizzle,
Clever take on this theme. I really like the fun reference to Geronimo. Nice rhyme and language use - you've put the reader directly into your thoughts with you. I believe I've read before that you love to fly, so I'm assuming this is from real experience.
Thank you!
L