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Push Me

Submitted by Candlewitch on Thu, 2023-01-05 08:07

I feel hot breath
on the back of my neck
it can only bring about your death
your steam will not speed me

your fingers in my back
only cause me to slow
as I feel you, the hack
lose bravado and crack.

so don't push me punk
best you haul ass
take your trash and "junk"
on down the road!

in younger years
I've been you
got my scars cried hot tears
learning new fears.

so take it down the road
find a spot to dump it
before it becomes a heavy load
and a detriment you can't lose.

words of wisdom don't ignore
trust a helping hand
it doesn't have to be a chore
you can make that distant shore!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
January 2023 Challenge Push Me
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Thu, 2023-01-05 09:37

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Hello, Cat,
I'm not certain of your intended antagonist here, but I know it speaks to me in the form of "perfection" which in my younger years, breathed down my neck. It certainly was "trash and junk". Very encouraging poem!
L
I believe "hall" should be "haul"?

Candlewitch

Thu, 2023-01-05 10:13

Candlewitch's picture
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thank you for your eagle-eye in spotting that and for doing me the honor of reading and responding.

*hugs and love, Cat

*
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And responds, please be courteous
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author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2023-01-05 11:24

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the pursuer finds that they shouldn't have tried so hard
to catch the trouble that they have caught up with. I see this in you.
Good advice. Your word use is good, the pace is fast, and the theme is good too.
The advice in the end is friendly and offering to lend a helping hand.
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Candlewitch

Fri, 2023-01-06 15:49

Candlewitch's picture
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Thank you dear Geezer...
you know me pretty well. I admire you for your astuteness and your eagle eye. I really appreciate your insights.

*hugs & love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

RoseBlack

Sat, 2023-01-07 10:16

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Want to be the person 'pushing' you! I enjoyed the fast pace, angry flow of this poem. Particularly the generous warning you gave them before....

~RoseBlack~

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