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Purity
My legs and my feet are bare before me, not flower-like, more like a cactus
and a crisis bats against a drum which shook my world around me.
I can't realize how helpless I am, although it rings in the back of my mind like a charm.
I don't feel whole, my stomach yearns in a fiery pit of rage and guilt as my thoughts turn to blind me. As I weep and I woe, my darkness turns to light, and my stomach still hurts and I'm hurt but I'm pure, I can't remember the last time I felt so pure.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This poem is about the guilt of Sexual Assault trauma and how it feels to be disgusted by your own body and yet still crave the feeling of being held/ "loved" in that way.
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Explicit Content
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Comments
Seren
Tue, 2023-02-14 05:06
Dear Moon X Serenity
I think this is a brilliant first poem on the site.
Welcome to Neopoet,
I am an abuse survivor, and this resonated deeply in me, I only have one suggestion and that's the format,
I would make it into stanzas, and it would have more impact Imo, my suggestions are always just that suggestions. Any editing you do has to also resonate with your vision for the poem.
I would be happy to show you what I mean you only have to ask, and I can do a little tweaking.
I am one of the directors on the site I kind of roam around and help were its needed so if you have and questions please don't hesitate to ask. my DMs are always open.
I think this is a stellar write I look forward to reading more of your work.
Kind regards Seren.
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats