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PTSD (May contest)

Sitting in this gritty hell
sandbags piled around fox hole
as rising moon begins to swell.
I'm dug in like a great big mole.

Not far away sit some good friends
they are about as safe as me
hoping we'll have peaceful ends.
I wish I could see just one tree.

Suddenly a fiery line
leaps out from a nearby dune
then explodes ending its flight's whine.
Peaceful vigil ends too soon.

Blurs of men glimpsed in the dark
as the attack begins in earnest
They come in flickers like a snark
their bayonets are sharp and burnished.

And the noise the deafening noise
explosions, gunfire, torn men's screams
bodies tossed about like toys
reality lost so it seems.

Then a fire trail in the night
ends nearby where friends are firing back.
I can't turn from the gory sight
of limbs flying through the black.

And my finger fires again
no idea if rife hits
anyone who killed my friend.
I yearn to tear the foe to bits.

Then suddenly another missile trail
coming toward, no right at me
among bullets striking thick as hail
as a ball of fire engulfs me............

I waken to my own scream's sound
panting in a sweat soaked bed.
looking for enemy all around
seeing just the night instead.

They say that time will dull the dreams
but nothing will quiet dead men's screams.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

a vivid picture of a life forever changed. thanks for writing.

This could be considered a tribute to Lonnie who until his recent passing suffered the effects of the Vietnam war. But there are still many living who are also victims although they seldom show it

author comment

did you mean
I year(n) to tear the foe to bits

I especially liked the paradox of (dead man's screams( in the closing couplets.
Thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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ME make a typo??? lol. I make enough of them when at my peak so having friends keeping an eye out for them now is a blessing.....off to recheck and edit......stan

author comment

Considering that you are not yet fully fit...your spirit of coming up with this dream sequence is laudable. I am sure you will be cleaning up the typos one of which has been pointed out by Rula.

Are not eligible for participating in the contest which is why you have not put up this poem in the contest?
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raj (sublime_ocean)

Wonder how long I'll be able to blame surgery for bad writing lol. I think I just cleaned this up a bit and just plain forgot to hit the contest tab (but you are correct that I'm ineligible to win anyway)

author comment

the word snark before, I had to go look it up. Great use of the word! I felt the terror in the sweat soaked sheets and the sudden awakening. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Snark, quarks and bogus are all fun to use. I hope the day will come when no more people waken in a terrified cold sweat..........stan

author comment

This is the 3rd or 4th poem ive read for the competition. I am very glad I'm not judging it. It would be a true task. I think you have taken the subject matter to nearly its zenith. Well done. Frightening to think there are poor souls out there who live like this.

Kudos

Love J xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

The good thing about a judge running across a contest entry of mine is he/she doesn't have to worry about judging it as I'm not eligible to win any contests lol. But you're right, this month's entries are all excellent.........stan

author comment
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