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PROGRAM InCOMpleTE

Submitted by scribbler on Tue, 2016-02-16 12:10

You know I had to come to be
a flawed, by design, silicon chip
that came about quite logically
with rhyme and rhythm in my grip.

Laureates across the land
gathered to birth my sweet perfection
the attainment of a thing quite grand
at science and art's intersection.

Thus I can describe bare winter trees
or summer surf on a warm beach
in words designed to always please
well beyond organic poets' reach.

I compose and then I write
as I have done since my start
yet the verses seem somehow... not right
for how can a poem be written without heart?
---does not compute
-------does not compute.............

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Last few words:

I heard a computer has been programed to write poetry..................

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Tue, 2016-02-16 17:15

As Mankind...

develops computers over the next 10-20 years, I believe that humans will try to put as much emotion into them as they can. Therefore, they will become "human" ! LOL As if we will accept that!
I think your title is good and shows how we think that computers will sound if they go awry.
Your language use is good and the theme and beginning/end of the poem were great. As you know,
everyone writes with different inflection and emphasis on word syllables, so that what sounds good to some, produces bobbles to the ear of another. I hear bobbles. Not enough to detract from the story, but... bobbles. Must be that your programming isn't perfect! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

scribbler

Tue, 2016-02-16 17:19

Hmmm.......

I think I'll claim the bobbles were on purpose and done in an attempt to mirror the manner in which a comp would write a poem. Think anybody will believe That? lmao.........thanks for the visit.......stan

author comment

lovedly

Fri, 2016-02-19 14:07

it is not far

computers love each other
when operated
by gals and guys
but
all first letters must wear caps
like condoms
else compy will not lay
one flat
without a hat
not knowing
this one from that

but the English spell check tells me
you are at times speaking
in English
phew
some times USA
ant at times UK
R U GAY!
Answer me quickly!

scribbler

Fri, 2016-02-19 19:50

Gay?

In the sense of the word before homosexuals hijacked it for their own use , yes I'm gay. But Far from being homosexual lmao. And the language I speak is southern American with a dash of west coast.......stan

author comment

lovedly

Sat, 2016-02-20 23:24