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Precipitation
Raining all morning
sodden tent canvas sagging
dreaming of elsewhere
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
One of the fun things to do when camping, whether it's raining or not, is to write poetry. This haiku was inspired by those inclement camping days.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Esker
Wed, 2015-12-30 09:54
surrounded by the hiss
or motion of commotion
been awhile since my tent
days
and those were camping
but not camping times
pleasant enough
I remember the coast
I slept in the decked out
van under the spruce
the ocean I remember
its smell and texture
the seal swimming behind
me when me not knowing
everyone waving onshore
thank U !
alidzain
Wed, 2015-12-30 11:54
Buddha
Well done.
Alid
Sparrow
Wed, 2015-12-30 19:05
Buddha
Good Japanese write, though the title could do with a tweak, the word is precipitation just a natural thing to misspell, it was a word in a newspaper crossword that someone disputed with me many years ago.
Just the two liner to complete now,
A couplet with seven syllables in each line on the same theme will do fine,
Take care, yours, Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
Buddha
Wed, 2015-12-30 22:15
Thank you for catching my
Thank you for catching my error.
Race_9togo
Thu, 2015-12-31 00:33
Welcome again
You took me back to a few times that I wished I had not been camping!
Looks like you know your Haiku form really well.
Good poem. Great haiku.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Buddha
Thu, 2016-01-14 22:44
Thanks again Jim, I do
Thanks again Jim, I do appreciate the encouraging words.
lovedly
Sat, 2016-01-16 16:26
buddhha slept in the open... besides the BODHI TREE..
buddhha slept in the open...
besides the BODHI TREE..
amidst the fragrance
smell of lotus
which in his dreams also it seems
penetrated into his lungs
through his nostrils
and he slept silently
not breathless
my poetry has precipitated in your mind
you did not more comfort
in any other find
and
so you silently did me remind
to get out of your mind
simple say openly
lovedly go grind...
live in the back half of my mind
far lonely and behind
don't let me your poems wind
Buddha
Sat, 2016-01-16 21:38
Beautiful, Lovedly. I enjoyed
Beautiful, Lovedly. I enjoyed your poetic comments.
lovedly
Sat, 2016-01-16 22:27
thanks glad u did
Buddha ji