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The Power of Love

I loved the way I lived my life,
All by myself, without a wife.
I'd pick my nose if I liked it,
Tell the world to go and suck it.

But I met you, bright and shiny,
Made me get up, get off my hiney.
I was in love with just one sight,
and now I love with all my might.

Of attachment I'm still frightened,
even though my day has brightened,
What's the worst thing that can happen?
You're the one for me, I reckon.

That is why these words I write
hoping your love they ignite.
I plead you not to take me lightly
My love for you feels almost knightly.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Last few words: 
I am not entirely happy with the title, so suggestions are welcome.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

about your title; maybe one of the lines from the poem might do? I enjoyed this poem these are my favorite lines:

I was in love with just one sight,
now I love with all my might.

always, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Your comments are always welcome, thank you.

Jack

author comment

Ok so let’s work on the title and I’ll suggest some structural changes. I’m a builder (I hand draw plans), you’re an architect, let’s remodel a bit??

I loved the way I lived my life,
All by myself, without a wife.
I’d pick my nose if I liked it
And tell the world to go suck it.

Now I met you, bright and shiny.
Got me up right off my hiney.
Plunging deep with just one sight,
I love you now with all my might.

Of attachment I'm still frightened,
even though my day has brightened.
What’s the worst thing that can happen?
You're the one for me, I reckon.

Placing trust in words I write
with hope it's your love they ignite.
I plea you to take me serious.
For your love, I’m delirious.

Wooo. That deliriously is a cumbersome thing for the reader. The seriously is 4 syllables and the deliriously is 5 syllables and I played with it for a bit and it was really tough. If you force the accent on a syllable that isn’t how they’re spoken. If you arrange it this way it’s very structured with every line having 8 syllables (I think). And…your title: Delirious.

Great little poem,
Tim

You are completely right, I was very unhappy with the finish. Thank you for your suggestions, I will play around with the poem and make the needed corrections.
Much appreciated.

Cheers,
Jack

author comment

Thank you Cat and Rosewood for your excellent critique. The title is not that good. When a reader sits down to experience a poem, the title can send a cue that something nourishing, challenging or something memory is about to begin, and so, I believe that the energy and thoughts poets puts in understanding the impact is titles time well spent.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

Thank you for the comment. Obviously, I was not happy with the title, but was just too lazy to think further :-)
It will be corrected.

Cheers,
Jack

author comment

Jack W Stanley this is a beautiful read. It shows how love can change a man's heart and perspective. Found this piece to be honest and heartfelt. The title can be renamed. I agree with Jackweb.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

Thank you very much for your comment. The title will change.

Cheers,
Jack

author comment

You most welcome.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

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