Neopoet

Fri, 2010-12-10 17:45

poem

I am pleased that I stumbled upon a good one lol. Thanks for coming by Victor

author comment

Fri, 2010-12-10 17:45

poem

I am pleased that I stumbled upon a good one lol. Thanks for coming by Victor

author comment

Fri, 2010-12-10 12:47

stuff! I really like the rhythm of this one. The theme is one that always hits the spot at this time of the year.
It flowed smoothly from beginning to end, and your language use, right on. The title is a little worn maybe, but entirely apt. I wouldn't change a thing. Great job! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Fri, 2010-12-10 17:47

poem

Thank you very much for reading and such a nice comment.......................scribbler

author comment

Psyve

Fri, 2010-12-10 13:50

Scribbler,

Enjoyed reading this one... doubtless that this is something your neices and /or nephews would love.

A naughty young rascal's heart will definitely skip a beat or two when he hears the lines:

all those who haven't been too nice
soon will pay a heavy price

A ray of hope however comes shining thru with the next few lines:

don't be dismayed ! I don't mean you
your bouts of mischief have been few
so you can still dream on of toys
and treats and other Christmas joys

A gentle poem, written with tongue lightly in cheek. :-)

Good work.

Psyve

Fri, 2010-12-10 17:50

christmas

I wrote this specifficly to be read to young children. I am pleased you like it.............scribbler

author comment

Eduardo Cruz

Fri, 2010-12-10 19:01

A classic

I'll read this every year, great job.
please there's a couple of lines I'd like to point out

!st: (and safe in front of cheery fire
day dreaming of your heart's desire)
maybe more in the heart of it would be;
-while safe in front of a cheery fire
and day dreaming of your hearts desire-

2nd: (on mantle above the embers' glow)
-on the mantle above the embers' glow-

I loved it very much, this is a keeper my friend.
Always Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Fri, 2010-12-10 19:24

eve

I will keep these suggestions in mind during inevitable edit ( I'm also trying to come up with another stanza lol ). I am glad you enjoyed this little attempt...................scribbler

author comment

wesley snow

Tue, 2011-12-06 21:30

Eduardo is right

This is classic sentimentality. It is precious.
Have a couple thoughts, though (don't I always?).

I'm not crazy about Eddie's suggestions as they both change the meter for the worse (sorry Eddie).
Maybe...
"while safely near a cheery fire."
and...
"on mantle o'er the ember's glow."
I know this last uses what some will call an "Old English" contraction (it's not), but I think this cleans up the meter. I don't think in this case the article is necessary and as to the contraction... well, it is something of a "ye old" Christmas poem. There are some other meter problems, but none so severe as to trip the reader.
A really sweet poem, guy.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Tue, 2011-12-06 22:18

Hi Wes

I am pleased you like this rerun. And I seldomhesitate to use the old contractions such as o'er ,ere,oft and such. I'll think over your suggestions and thanks for visiting............stan

author comment

Eduardo Cruz

Wed, 2011-12-07 13:14

Wes

hey don't be sorry about how you feel or your educated opinion. That was just my perception of it. It's a big world and we are all allowed our moment in the moment.

Respect to you!
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Kailashana2

Wed, 2011-12-07 14:34

What a cheesy X-mas poem,

What a cheesy X-mas poem, reindeer flying in the no-fly zone,
Stanley's got a horn in his sock and Anna's bad to the bone,
darning her one and only holiday frock.

Now don't you feel badly? Just send money cheerfully. It's that
time of the year when we think of seventeen presents and the
stores are ho ho hoing all the way to the bank, now in the black,
but it ain't me jack.
I'm the grinch who stole christmas and put it in me sack.

Oh, my Stanley, me heart's growing bigger and bestest no way shall
she resteth, soon shall I bust, a little miss muppet who gathers no tuffet...

Happy Holiday to All and to All a I don't give a damn. (Just kidding!)

Wed, 2011-12-07 17:14

hi

Cheesy..............mmmmmm.....Christmas cheese balls (not That kind of balls lol). thanks for the visit........stan

author comment

Thu, 2012-01-05 00:13

Why does xmas reduce most people's IQs by 60 points?

and obliterate their sense of taste and style?
Crikey, mate, this is drivel, crappy rhyming, even worse meter, the only slightly redeeming feature is the line
and reindeer are allowed to fly

I won't be called grinch or scrooge, xmas is no excuse for bad poetry.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Wed, 2012-01-04 07:17

hi Jess

You need to say what you really mean lol. You know this poem's intended audience is young children not poetry critics. Considering how many people off site have asked for copies to read to their kids I'll consider this a success at its intended target. I appreciate your honest opinion but in this case I think I'll leave this as is........stan

author comment

Wed, 2012-01-04 07:27

not even fix the meter a bit?

the kids would like it even more

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Wed, 2012-01-04 07:51

lol

You know I tinkered with this before which brought it back to head of stream right before this Christmas. So don't be suprised if about Holiday time this year you see it again with a few more nudges. So I guess that will give me a bit of time to better my metric skills lol.............stan PS Still keep in mind it's supposed to sound like a beloved older relative talking to nieces, nephews, grandchildren or even his young children on Christmas eve trying to lull them to bed.So I don't intend the meter to ever be perfect throughout as that would decrease the convesational tone of this.....stan

author comment

Wed, 2012-01-04 14:25

fair enough

must admit I also like the lines
Don't be dismayed ! I don't mean you
your bouts of mischief have been few

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Wed, 2012-01-04 16:35

hello

Appreciate your input even though I sometimes don't use it .............stan

author comment

Tue, 2012-12-04 22:23

Hi Ya'll

A few little tweaks on this oldie.....................stan

author comment

Ian.T

Wed, 2012-12-05 06:00

Stan

A piece to hold with an old tradition, you forgot to mention the
"humming insect" that crops up, or flies through these pieces
Where the old time religion is not sacrosanct, but now we can say as we feel..
Back to the woods with you young man..
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Wed, 2012-12-05 08:14

Hi Ian

Just an alternative for those bored with reciting "the night before Christmas" lol. Hope you enjoyed it...........stan

author comment

raj

Sat, 2014-12-20 12:47

Hi Stan

I dunno who pulled this one out and brought it back on stream, but for which i would have missed out on this one. As always you have come up with a lovely poem which captures the Christmas mood. You are always perfect when it comes to rhyme. I am not sure why you didn't find a more perfect rhyme for the concluding line, i.e. an alternate to "for". May be something like I have put in parenthesis? Not sure if you find it good enough

remember what Christmas is for[lore[ or [yore]

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Sun, 2015-01-04 20:18

hi raj

I did a tiny edit which brought this back up. As to the rhyme problem "for' and "door" Do rhyme but this might be a dialect thing.But at ant rate I'm pleased you like this......stan

author comment

Tue, 2015-12-22 07:49

This Christmas

I wish all you kind hearted deluded souls a Merry Christmas.
It is the Solstice, 4 days earlier that is the real meaning, before the Christians perverted it. I is the day (the 21st actually) of the Solstice the longest night and shortest day. It had and has real meaning in the real world, nothing to do with the evil fictional character Jesus that makes us feel originally sinned before his sacrifice redemption. That is nasty shit.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Tue, 2015-12-22 11:58

Hi Jess

I was already aware that the 25th was not the real day of his birth. And that the Christmas tree and mistletoe was borrowed from the Druids. But isn't it a good thing that both believers and non believers can set aside at least one day a year in which we treat our neighbors as we'd have them treat us?
Now......have you chosen your 3 poems to submit to the book committee yet? Time is coming near that you'll be contacted to send them in.
BTW Merry Solstice and a happy hang over you old fart lmao..........stan

author comment

Mon, 2018-12-24 07:20

Life is change

and I have changed since I posted that rather harsh comment, Stan.

Yes, peace and good will to all,
wishing you all a very happy Christmas.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Mon, 2018-12-24 10:29

Yes

You Have change a lot for the better. I hope you have a great Christmas day

author comment

lovedly

Tue, 2015-12-22 15:12

I have been watching dawns.... since many dawns

Christmas comes and goes
yet I wish all of you to know
in the context of
HUMAN AND HUMANE BROTHERHOOD
CHRISTMAS.... EID and DIVALI

INTERNATIONALLY WILL BE CELEBRATED EQUALLY ..

These three days seek
a feeling of simple and common
LOVE
from all
existing humanity
mostly from Jess,
as he's a POETIC guy
so very tall

I have been missing his pulling me up
now I have left wearing pullovers
coz there is no need
to be pulled any more

the dawns continue to dawn
and Stan
how I wish I am
in my later resojourn
as you say
am reborn
as Stan
as all here you alone adorn
maybe some will be like
me
someday!

Eumolpus

Mon, 2018-12-24 09:54

...

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Tue, 2017-12-19 22:39

I take it you voted Trump?

We didn't have a lot to choose from did we?

author comment

lovedly

Wed, 2017-12-20 02:00

gather round

perhaps ..............around
would better do
Merry Xmas to
US of A
all you
with Love from
Canada
too

Mon, 2018-12-24 10:32

You

also loved

author comment

Eumolpus

Mon, 2018-12-24 09:55

.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Roscoe Lane

Mon, 2018-12-24 02:33

Excellent,

Excellent Christmas poem. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Mon, 2018-12-24 10:31

Hi Roscoe

I wrote this for children who might be weary of hearing The Night Before Christmas lol. Have a great Christmas and a happy hang over lol

author comment

Mon, 2018-12-24 14:53

It just gets...

better every year! Hmmmmm… I guess that Jess has changed up some
He's not so bad; I see it now
At least he's not calling dumb
The poetry from yon ancient brow

LoL, just couldn't help myself! Have a Merry Christmas/Holiday whatever. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Mon, 2018-12-24 20:16

Hi Geez

I hope you get what you want for Christmas (instead of what you deserve lol)...........stan

author comment

Tue, 2020-12-15 13:25

Hi Ted

Now I won't have to contrive an edit to bring this oldie back next Christmas lol.

author comment

Tue, 2020-12-15 12:18

What again?...

Not really. I love seeing this each year and hope that you continue it as a yearly tradition. It is rather sad to see those that have departed from us; both willingly and not. How about we all aggravate Jess at least one more time; with a "Merry Christmas Jess, no matter where you are?" ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Tue, 2020-12-15 13:28

Hi Gee

I figure most of us who have been here a while had already read this oldie. I brought it back so new members can be aggravated too lol. As for Jess...........I think toward the unexpected end he had come a long way toward accepting others as they are

author comment

Wed, 2020-12-16 08:10

I agree...

Jess did seem to mellow a bit, like a fine rum. Smoother with less bite. [I've been into the egg-nog again! ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Tue, 2021-12-21 14:42

Another year...

that we have to admire this poem and aggravate old Jess! I hope that wherever he wound up, he is having a grand time!

To Jess, our friend and dearly departed
Who would laugh at us until he farted
A curmudgeon on this holiday
Too bad, Jess has gone away

A hug and a kiss for good old Jess
I'll slobber on him and make a great mess
Have a drink or two and smoke a joint
Hope he's somewhere he hears, so I make my point

~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Tue, 2021-12-21 16:35

yes

I try to abuse ya'll with this poem each year about this time lol. And yep Jess should be having fun

author comment

Triskelion

Sat, 2021-12-25 11:22

So perfect

and sweet. This deserves to be a tradition. Merry Christmas!

Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood