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Pluviophile

Submitted by One on Mon, 2022-03-21 06:55

I stand upon the verge overlooking the sea
I have not come here for the view
I have come for the rain to wash away all that haunts me
To take me to another place where I can be free

I stand on the precipice watching the waves
I have not come here for the scene
I have come for the rain to cleanse all that torments me
Float me to another land where I can breathe

Rainstorm fall down into my face
Drench me with your drops of purity
Crystal tears cover me
Let me see with clarity

Rainfall pour down onto my skin
Soak me with your drops of clarity
Heaven’s tears cover me
Let me feel with purity

I stand upon the edge overlooking the coast
I have not come here for the view
I have come for the rain to wash away all that hurts me
To send me to another land where I can be free

I stand upon the precipice watching the surf
I have not come here for the scene
I have come for the rain to cleanse all that disturbs me
Drift me to another place where I can breathe

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Went for a long walk up what is know locally as Holyhead Mountain. It rained! Got to the top & nobody else had been foolish enough to make the ascent. I had the view of Holyhead all to myself & the ambient silence of the world. Out came the pen & this was the result. It needs work but I'm interested in what you guys think so I can improve it. Thanks.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Mon, 2022-03-21 10:12

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I observe: your body is free (from disease, from addiction, from affliction) but it is your mind which is in torment and aching for freedom. you are persistent, yet humbled in your pursuit of this blessing. I hope you find peace from whatever it is that faintly haunts you. when I was a teen, I loved to walk in the rain. but I wasn't alone...I had my transistor radio with me. great poem!

now rain just hurts my bones, lol!

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy

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One

Tue, 2022-03-22 05:27

One's picture

indeed the body is well but the mind is afflicted with pain & torment. I should have kept the poem 'nice' since the place I was in whilst writing was tranquil & beautiful but you know me, I like to turn things around.

Imagine Eddy writing a poem about the summer with flowers & birds!! LOL!

Thanks for the read & comment,

regards

One

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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

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Candlewitch

Tue, 2022-03-22 07:39

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you write whatever you damned well feel like writing! we will be grateful and delighted to get it! eddy writing about such stuff, LOL...he says he will try LOL! this I gotta see!

I use meditation and self-hypnosis for pain. do you know about these methods? I hate that you are in pain! I use it when I just can't shut my mind down.
love, Sis

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

One

Tue, 2022-03-22 11:46

One's picture

I am unable to meditate as I can't calm myself down in order to do so. I find relaxing difficult so am like a coiled spring all the time. Losing myself in music helps me to disconnect. Noise-cancelling earphones gives me a new place to settle.

regards

One

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2022-03-22 11:53

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yes, both music and writing are good therapy.

love, Sis

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Ray Whitaker

Fri, 2022-03-25 21:00

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it was a new word for me. T'was curious...

I like the four line stanzas, they work to convey the thoughts in each. if you'd chosen fine lines or six, I suspect these would have worked well also, however the four liners work well [for me]

I would like to see more "wet" imagery.

Seems like a great start on a longer piece.... i felt like you had much more to say here.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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One

Fri, 2022-04-01 07:06

One's picture

went for four liners to make it easier to vocalise as this is going to be a song.

Wet imagery...you got it! I'll write the next one in the shower! LOL!

It is a great word & describes me perfectly.

I appreciate the read & comment my friend

regards

One

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment
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