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A Place to Fall

Ride the tides of life we must
With all the ups and downs
Winds will push me from your shores
Spin my compass bearings ‘round

My faith that you surround me
Sustains me on the decks
I’m gone sailing far and long
Dark and introspective treks

All directions lead me back
I moor in your lagoon
I fall upon your sacred sand
Washed in silver by the moon

My tears would fall upon your beach
A gift of salt and heart
No ocean, tides, or winds avail
To keep us long apart

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, "A Place to Fall," evokes a sense of wandering and searching, ultimately finding solace in a specific location. The use of nautical language and imagery adds to the sense of movement and exploration. The repetition of "ride the tides of life" and "all directions lead me back" reinforces the idea of a journey with a destination in mind.

One notable line that stands out is "Dark and introspective treks." It adds a layer of depth and complexity to the speaker's emotional journey. The use of the word "introspective" suggests that the speaker is grappling with personal issues and perhaps seeking clarity.

However, there are some areas where the poem could be improved. The rhyme scheme is inconsistent, with some stanzas rhyming and others not. This disrupts the flow of the poem and can be distracting. Additionally, some of the phrasing feels awkward, such as "Spin my compass bearings 'round," which could be rephrased to be more concise.

One suggested line edit would be to revise "No ocean, tides, or winds avail" to "No ocean, tides, or winds prevail." This would maintain the rhyme scheme and create a stronger sense of the speaker's determination to return to this place.

Overall, "A Place to Fall" is a thought-provoking poem with vivid imagery and a clear sense of purpose. With some adjustments to the rhyme scheme and phrasing, it could be even stronger.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

The poem sparks memories of the last 40* years with my Cat (Candlewitch.) We've been through so much together and we seem to be almost a single soul, at times. Your images and language are just enough to stir those memories and the emotions attached to them. Well done!

Thanx,
Steve

As always, you find the most beautiful and elegant way of describing your love and commitment to your loved one. I love how you describe going astray and finding your way back. The comparison to oceans and the beach mirror your love for her and nature. Well done.

~RoseBlack~

I felt the love and understanding that brings you from the depths of depression back to the shores of 'her' beach.
Very good rhyme and meter make this an easy read and leave room for the emotion to wrap one up. As I say, "I felt this".
~ Geez.
.

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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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