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Pentameter of the Heart
Beating in time like a galloping trot
Dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum.
Drumming it’s sure song with all it has got
Token light pounding resides in your chest
Dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum.
Speeds up when you’re active, scared or distressed
Booming bass drummer not so confident
Dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum.
A lone heart explodes, it’s cold armor rent
The fastest of all the songs it has played
Dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum.
The mile I ran or the love that we made
Always goes calm whilst I lie close to you
Dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum.
Surrounded by light and love that’s so true
I cherish the moments our hearts beat as one
Dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum.
Gather them close lest our love comes undone
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words:
It’s tougher than it sounds!
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
U.S.A.
Favorite Poets
Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Walt Whitman. I’m enamored by the work of lyricists such as Robert Hunter, John Barlow, John Dyer Baizley, and Tom Marshall just to name a handful.
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Comments
Candlewitch
Thu, 2022-06-30 07:32
dear Tim,
nice title, great construction. tougher than it seams huh? it feels like it just rolled right off your pen and tongue...so get your pen out of your mouth!!! (just kidding) the pacing is fine. I liked these lines best:
Always goes calm whilst I’m lying with you
Dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum, dah-dum.
Surrounded by light and love that’s so true
it goes down lightly...Cat
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Geezer
Thu, 2022-06-30 08:36
I like it!...
Nothing to criticise here! As nice a love poem as I've have heard! ~ Geezer.
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RoseBlack
Thu, 2022-06-30 18:36
Good job
A sweet love poem. Well written. I am quickly becoming a fan
~RoseBlack~
Jackweb
Thu, 2022-06-30 21:33
Truly ...
I can feel the taste of this poem.
Nice composition!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb