Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Peaceful World

Peaceful World ((((new title)))

It is cold
very cold
freezing temperatures
a mild drizzle

yet unmindful she stands silently
like a statue under the isolated tree

all about her come and see
why such depth of silence
they wonder who is she
so very sweet and lovely
fine
a veritable Divine

her eyes don’t blink
statue stark into the daylight distant
rare vision
no one knows where she is looking

yet her mission is just to draw
a large searching crowd
who will come and see
where she is looking

Blank
into the distant horizon
wilderness
mind totally blissfully absent

all come and shed a tear
many say smile
O dear
she has a silent demeanour
yet she conveys

why this War and trouble
Give Peace a chance
a tear trickles

then ups her umbrella
mission complete

it snows now nonstop
has conveyed her message

give a chance to PEACE

Let all live like friends
kith and kin
then moves out to the distance
so obscure

So all sing and say as a single voice
pray

Give Peace a chance you may.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

this could be rated as one of your better poems written more seriously creating good imagery of a statue and reading her mind as too of those who watch her....

i think the two lines "then ups her umbrella, mission complete" take a bit away also because how can a statue lift an umbrella? of course that is my thought....
.....................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

standing in the cold wind
lifeless
trying to give a message

thanks grateful sincere effort

author comment

the "she" is you in the poem. N'est pas?

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

kept coming back to this line:

like a statue under the isolated tree

So thinking she could not be both "like a statute" and a real statue, I chose the other possibility, which also kinda works.
..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

the girl is actual
but her inner heart is distraught
they posted her picture
and asked me
what I thought
Before I inform them of my inner feelings ...I posted it here to get visions from great neopoets like you thanks a mighty
glad u came twice
may be again you will
kindly

author comment

Like a hunter she awaits her prey which is ever elusive peace.Then the spell broken she moves to shelter herself from the storm. This is among your best I think.Hmmmm.... "is fine"....I think I'd delete "is". I am glad you wrote this..........stan

stan
am glad you came by

author comment

Well written young Bard hope to read more of these as you begin to see that there in a stubbornness is a poet of great tasks..
Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

stubbornness
its IAN's will
I do abide
but only at times
bard thanks

author comment

If only people would follow her lead, a better world we'd see. Regards Roscoe....

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

long time no see

author comment

thank you for directing me here, it is a interesting poem indeed.
I feel a bit confused but that is me, I am not good to read between the lines

IRiz

confusion will go
This was a Challenge poem
of a snap of a girl alive
trying to pass a bold lesson
LET'S ALL
LIVE IN PEACE
Glad you liked it
though differently
thanks Irene
now I have decided to compose abstract poetry

author comment

Good luck

IRiz

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.